We say this in our workshops... "the issue is not the issue, it's how you relate to the issue that is the issue"... It flows off the tongue quite smoothly and quickly, but there is a lot to unpack in that statement. We react to a lot of things in life, thinking they are the issue... when really they are not. But we make them the issue... blame them for being the issue... shun them for being the issue... But it really has everything to do with us...
What's underneath that reaction?? Because the reaction is just the tip of the iceberg... there is something underneath there... For the last couple of years, I've been having a strong reaction to Christmas preparations, huge upsets and stuff... I can look around and blame it on all sorts of things... on the mess that comes with decorating, on the guests that come over... on the pressure to buy gifts... But that really isn't the issue... The real issue is I feel like crying... That's it... But I'm trying to find something in there that would make it understandable why I feel like crying... When I was a kid, my mother tells the story of how, in the days leading up to Christmas, I would make myself sick with anticipation and excitement. I would be throwing up my guts in the toilet... Maybe it wasn't excitement or anticipation... Maybe it was dread and sadness and fear... Because there was a lot of unspoken resentment in our household, which only got worse in the days leading up to Christmas... And I expressed it in the only way I knew how... getting sick... the only way that was acceptable... And now... in expressing that sadness... it can complete all those other times... and free me from the dread... Pretty cool...
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