Do you have internal conversations with yourself? I'm not talking multiple personalities or schizophrenia or anything like that... I mean, do you hear the internal monologue that is going on in your head? For me, I'm becoming much more aware of it... and it's interesting to say the least. I got up this morning, wanted to go to Starbucks quickly without showering, but my hair was standing on end... So I was going to use the shower head on a hose to wet it down, but then had a very quick internal conversation that said that wouldn't be a good idea for a variety of reasons, which basically boiled down to not annoying my partner. So, I was headed for the bathroom sink to try and wet it down with my hands... And I stopped myself, recognized the conversation and then chose what would be easiest and most convenient for me... using the shower head.
It happens all the time... I do a quick little two-step in my head and justify the actions that I choose based on it not offending someone, or being the least annoying thing... or whatever... And I do it all the time. Most of the time I am not even aware that it's going on... it's happening by itself... and I am at the mercy of it. I make choices that don't have my best interests at heart. I don't do the things that I want to do... I do the things that others want me to do... I choose actions that squelch me... so that I won't squelch others... Go figure...
Enough of that... And it is a challenge at this point to see where my thoughts are taking me and to stop, reassess and then choose something because I choose it... rather than my internal monologue/critic/censor chooses it for a variety of crazy reasons...
No comments:
Post a Comment