Ahead of the Game

So, this blog is actually being written in mid-January... Yes, I am 2.5 months ahead in my blogging and it is getting more and more challenging to blog about timely topics! Can't talk about the snow storms in January when I'm posting into April! So, this will be the last pre-dated blog for a while... I'll reconnect tomorrow... April 1 and we'll all be on the same timeline! In the meantime, I might do some grandfather writing... keep the Fitness blog on the go... and take care of some other things!

Pro Clutter

So, we all know there are some people who swear by their clutter and by their mess. They will tell you that they can find anything that they want and that their mess is a sign of their creativity. That they don't mind the mess... Which is fine... If people can find what they need, and the mess doesn't bother them, then let them be messy...

I think the issue is when people are messy and can't find anything... or the mess bothers them... or it swamps them and their creativity. I've known people who have told me "Just let me find that article"... and 2 hours later they are still looking for it... doing an impromptu declutter as they go... That is not a great way to justify mess!

Mind you... even the highly organized person might have trouble finding something! "Did I feel that paper under finance or insurance or automobile or..."... I find that problem with emails a lot... I will file something into a folder that seems sensible, but then I have trouble finding it later on... Happily, Outlook does have a search feature... but that doesn't help us with paper folders!

I suppose the overall thing is... if you can find things (however you are organized or not)... great! If you can't find things... it might be time to take a look at your system of organization or deorganization! And find something that works for you...

Enjoy the Journey

So, I was looking at booking a flight to Nanaimo the other week... and then booking a return flight out of Vancouver, because I want to spend the weekend there. So I need to get from Nanaimo to Vancouver. Air Canada has a $148 flight (that doesn't include taxes). Greyhound has a bus but there are no fares on the website and the schedule isn't convenient... Which leaves me with the other alternative... I could walk onto the ferry as a pedestrian ($13.75) and then catch the Vancouver transit bus in Horseshoe Bay... $3.75... That's... $17.50 I think... Hmmm... that seems like a no-brainer! Yes, the plane is quicker but when you think about needing to be at the airport 1 hour ahead of time, plus the flight (20 minutes) and then waiting for luggage (another 20 minutes), and then catching the Canada Line to downtown Vancouver (30 min)... well that's almost 2 hours already! And a lot of it rushing around... Whereas if I take the ferry, I can sit and enjoy the ferry ride and write or read... and the same on the bus...

I'm finding that travel time is precious time... time for me... time where I can read or write and just enjoy the journey... I know that some people get frustrated at having to wait for buses or planes or trains... but I'm kind of liking that time at the airport or on the bus or on the ferry... Time where I can just be and relax... I suppose it's the way I'm holding that time... If I have a 4 hour layover in Edmonton, I can grump about it... or I can enjoy it... Both options are open to me... and both are because of the way I think about them... my choice...

Off Kilter

I got here to Starbucks (Favourite #1) a little later than normal, so there are no comfy chairs available... I have to sit at a little round table on a wooden chair... Which is fine... it's just that the comfy chairs are so... well... comfy! And they are part of my routine... I think I've written of routine before, and how we sometimes need to shake up our routine but... Well, after almost a month of house guests and being away at workshops, I have to say that there is something to be said for routine! Getting out of routine throws me off balance... And I get a little irritated and frustrated and anxious that things aren't getting done and when are they going to get done... and how are they going to get done and who's going to do them!? Yeah... there is something to be said for routine... just not rigid routine... the sort that keeps you stuck in a rut doing the same thing day after day with no possibility of doing anything differently! How about fluid routine... or flexible routine...

34% & Counting

Hmmm... I didn't plug in my laptop to charge overnight and here I am in Starbucks with only 34% battery life and no electrical cord!!! I'm going to have to type fast and get a few blogs done before it fizzles on me. While 34% might seem like a lot (like maybe an hour), in truth it's more like 1/2 hour because the computer shuts down at about 15% or so... Guess it needs some power to actually shut down!

That will teach me to pay more attention to what I'm about, rather than getting distracted by things. On the flip side, it will give me a chance to read a few things that are riding around in my office bag... so I can put the time here to good use... I find that in most cases, we can always put the time to good use. Waiting in traffic... waiting at a doctor's office... waiting for a friend to show up... waiting for whatever it might be... When plans change due to circumstances beyond our control, we can lament and bemoan the fact, or we can go with the flow and find something else to do... something else to take our time... There are all sorts of possibilities out there... we just need to know where to look and be open to possiblities showing up out of the blue...

Hmmm... Maybe Project 888...

Hmmm... I don't think project 333 is going to work for me!!! I did go through my closet yesterday and decluttered quite a few clothes... things that I don't wear, jeans that are too worn out, etc. I even got rid of some t-shirts that were perfectly fine, because I got 6 new ones over Christmas... Cleared a few socks out of my drawer... But, I am nowhere near 33 items of clothing and footwear... and toques and mitts and scarves... So maybe it will be project 444 or 555... (we'll skip the whole 666 thing)... or 777 or 888... I don't know... But I do acknowledge that I hardly wear some of my clothes so... I did that trick with the clothes hanger... hanging it backwards on the closet rod and we'll see where we're at in 3 months... or 6 months or 12 months...

I have to admit though... clothing really isn't my sticky point! It's more like books... and cds... and cards... Oh yeah, cards & writing paper!!! Oooh.... yeah... that is more of a challenge. But, I've made a rule with myself that I can't buy any new stuff until I clear at least half of them out of my letter writing cupboard... So far, I'm doing good on not bringing new things in... not too good on using them up though! But at least I know what I need to do...

Project 333

Hmmm... I came across this the other day while jumping from Unclutterer.com to zenhabits.net to bemorewithless.com (quite the little hop-scotch trip)... All 3 websites have to do with living a fulfilling life with less... or at least more organized... but definitely less...

Anyhow, I came across this Project 333... the idea is to have a wardrobe of 33 items for 3 months... Yup, that's it... The Original Rules are:

• When: October 1 – December 31 (It’s never too late to start so join in anytime!)
• What: 33 items including clothing, accessories, jewelry, outerwear and shoes.
• What not: these items are not counted as part of the 33 items – wedding ring, underwear, sleep, in-home lounge wear, and workout clothing (you can only wear your workout clothing to workout)
• How: over the next two months, outline your 33 items, by the 1st of October, box up the remainder of your fashion statement, seal it with tape and put it out of sight.
• What else: consider that you are creating a wardrobe that you can live, work and play in for three months. If you purchase items for project 333, stick with the one in, two out approach. Consider the essentials and stick to 33.

Apparently it also does not include socks (whew!), but it does include jewellery, scarves, gloves, hats, etc. I'm wondering... Could I make do with 33 items?? Pants, jeans, spiffy clothes, sweaters, t-shirts... hmmm... Doing a mental trot through my closet and my dresser... I think I have at least 33 t-shirts on their own!! And jeans are at least 10 or 12... and shirts are at least 15... and well... hmmm...

I've heard the rule that you only wear 20% of your clothes 80% of the time... and that you wear 80% of your clothes only 20% of the time... I've also heard that one way to figure out what you do wear is to hang your hangers backwards on the closet rod... After 6 months or 12 months, if something hasn't been flipped around to hang the right way, well... you haven't worn it in 6 months or 12 months... so it's time to let it go... It might be time for me to take a look at that...

More later!! Or rather... more about less... later!

 

It's all about You

You know how you're doing something, saying something, listening to something or whatever. And someone interacts with you and pisses you off? And you get angry and upset at what they've said and done? And if only they wouldn't have said what they said... or did what they did... you wouldn't be as angry and upset as you are?? You know how that happens?

Yeah, well... it has nothing to do with what the other person said or did... it's all about you... it's your reaction, your upset, your anger, your emotions... So own them... Whatever they did, you're the one that can choose how you react to it. Whatever they said, you're the one that can choose what you then say to them. But you know what happens... we feel angry and upset... and it's like we get hijacked by that anger and upset... and we start to look for reasons why we are justified in feeling anger and upset... and there you go...

Yes, you can feel angry and upset... but get that that is your reaction... and you have a choice about that... a choice about how long you stay in it... and how deep it takes you... how long you choose to let it run your life... That doesn't depend on anyone outside of yourself... it depends solely on you...

Home at Last

I've been away at a workshop again and it's good to be home again. I miss my routine at home!! I miss my morning routine with yoga and reading and oatmeal. I miss my Starbucks routine. I even miss getting work done at my desk! Because it piles up while I'm away and then I have a heck of a time catching up again.

I try to create my own routine when I'm away... like reading a book in the morning, reviewing my workshop manual, going for a walk, or maybe even going to a Starbucks (if that's available). But I usually find that walking and yoga fall by the wayside pretty quick. I have all sorts of excuses as to why that is... but that's all they are, just excuses...

Now that I'm back home, we also need to get back into our exercise routine. At the time that I'm writing this (not March 23!), our personal trainer is away and we are on our own. The treadmill part we can do pretty easily... but we need to try and remember some of the other exercise moves... and that might prove a bit more challenging. We're going to give it a go tomorrow... so we'll see how that goes...

I do like to have a routine in my life... it grounds me and gives me a foundation upon which I can then build other things. I suppose... if I really needed to... I could build my life in chaos... but from a purely human perspective... I think we are creatures of habit and routine... Doing something new and different everyday... that might be a bit challenging. Mind you, when we just do things out of habit, we don't need to think about things, so we go on autopilot. It might be different to do things differently, to flip routine on its head and do everything mindfully... We'd need to be present to each and every moment, instead of shifting into autopilot... That might be different...

Church

So, my mom was here for a visit last August and wanted to go to Church... so I went with her... A few weeks back, she was here for another visit, and this time I decided not to go with her. I dropped her off and then hung out in Starbucks blogging and having a hot chocolate. And I didn't miss it... Other than the one Sunday attendance in August, I haven't been to Church in 2 years... and I don't miss it. Friends of mine have chosen to leave the Catholic Church and go to the United Church. Others have dropped attendance altogether. Do I feel different? Not really... There are times when I miss the music... and the people that I know back in Prince George... But Church in general... nope...

I suppose my spirituality has become more cosmopolitan, more eclectic... I suppose you would call me one of those people who are spiritual but not religious. I think religion and Church have a long way to come... Society is changing, people are changing... There is a need for something different... People are hungry for spiritual nourishment... not for religious nourishment. I want to practice meditation... Christian or Buddhist... it doesn't matter to me... or rather, I don't see a difference in it. I suppose my Christ has gotten big enough to encompass all... that I can see Christ in all... that we are Christ and we bring Christ wherever we go... whether we are Buddhist or not... I believe in freeing people to be themselves. I believe in freeing people from a life of fear... fear of hell... fear of punishment... fear on condemnation... fear that they are not good enough...

Taste of Fear

Fear... yeah... it comes up... And I'm starting to recognize the feeling of it, the taste of it, the sense of it. Fear makes me feel weak and inadequate. Fear makes me feel like there are no possibilities out there. Fear is a dark cloud with no hope and no way forward. Fear wants me to stay stuck and wallow in it. Fear makes me feel sick. Fear makes me sick! Fear drains my energy, drains my passion. Fear eats me alive. Fear never has enough. Fear wants me to drink the whole cup... the cup that never empties, because it keeps filling up. No matter how much I drink from the cup of fear, it never goes away, it never exhausts itself.

I am beginning to recognize it when it shows up... And recognize that it is my thoughts that are creating the fear... it is my thoughts that are keeping it alive. It is my thoughts that keep drinking from the cup of fear... so that my thoughts feed the fear, which then feeds the thoughts. It is quite a nasty little cycle.

The thing for me to do now... is just to get that the fear is there... and to recognize that I am creating it... I am the author of it... and to just see it for what it is, and then choose to shift my thoughts... and just move through the fear. If fear says "this will happen if you're not careful"... it is just to declare something else... and to do what ever it is that I am fearful of doing... Without the fear colouring it... My life, my thoughts, my fear... my choice....

Excuses Begone Pt 2

So, a few "real" days have gone by since the post about the book "Excuses Begone"... I've finished the book and the thing that really stuck with me out of it was this... When I am connected to the Source and aligned with the Source, I am living fulfillment. When I disconnect from the Source, then I'm going to be struggling.

I have been struggling lately with doing things that other people want me to do and not saying "no" to them. I do things because other people want me to do them, not because I want to do them. So I tried to move into a space of self-care where I did what I wanted to do and... well... I think I took it too far...

There is a balance to be struck between self-care and generosity of spirit and self. If I am aligned with Source, which is all about generosity and contributing to others, then my life will be a flow. But I need to choose to be generous because I choose to be generous... It's not that other people ask me to do things, or that I have to do things for others (work, etc.)... it's the space that I bring to it. It's my relationship to it that matters. I can do things with a spirit of resentment and feel pissed off that I have to do all these things. Or I can choose to do something because I choose to choose to do it... Subtle but powerful...

Wayne Dyer, in his book, gives 18 of the most common excuses, one of which is "too busy" and another of which is "not enough energy"... Sounds familiar to me! I also get that if I come at something aligned with the idea of "lack" or "absence"... then that is what I'm going to create in my space as well. If I say "not enough energy"... that's what I'm going to create. If I belief I'm "too busy"... nothing I do will ever make me feel like I've cleared my plate to the point that I'm not busy...

It's a shift in thinking... a shift in alignment... it happens like that... or not...

Fear is a Good Thing?

Fear can be a good thing?? Well... I suppose so... maybe!! Fear means we are coming up against something within ourselves. We want to move forward, but fear gets in the way. Some would say fear is a good thing, because if we get fearful, it's a great indicator that what we are contemplating is what we really should be doing! Nothing scares us more than doing what we are called to do... because if we're called to do it... what happens if we fail at it!? And that throws us into fear... of the deepest sort.

I move in and out of fear... a lot! Sometimes I get stuck in it and start to wallow in it... diving into it deeper and deeper, and convincing myself that I have all sorts of valid reasons to be afraid, and that the only real thing is my fear. Of course that's not the case but... in the moment, it does seem vividly real. And worse yet, I see no way out of it... It is all encompassing and I get stuck in it... Or rather, I choose to stay stuck in it... Or I choose to shift out of it... or move through it... or let it go...

Excuses Begone

I'm reading a book right now by Wayne Dyer called "Excuses Begone". The premise is that we can lifelong self-defeating thinking habits... aka... excuses! He lists 18 of the most common excuses... no energy, no time, can't afford it, no one to help, etc. I read over those 18 excuses and... well... yes... there were quite a few that resonated with me... the premiere one being "I have no time"! Sigh... That is the one that seems to come up most often for me, and apparently for a lot of other people as well.

The interesting thing that Dyer pointed out was that if we feel overwhelmed and that we have too many things to do, it's because we chose that. We have chosen to take on too many things. And if I take a look at my own life, I can see that... I don't work on my grandfather's book as conscientiously as I should because I don't have enough time, because I have too many other things to do. Yes... and I have chosen to take on a variety of new things because... well... because I am avoiding the grandfather book! And it gives me the excuse that I'm too busy and I don't have enough time! Sigh...

It's no wonder that I feel like I don't have enough time... I create that lack of time in my life... and I can also create enough time in my life...

Lose Weight

So, if you google "lose weight", you'll get something like 89 million hits... that's a lot of information on losing weight! And there's an awful lot of advice, information, know-how, etc. from an awful lot of people. But boil it down to the basics and it's simply three things: eat healthy, drink water, move. That's it. So, why do we need to look everywhere for so many different fast solutions to losing weight?? What's so hard for us about eating healthy, drinking water and moving our bodies??

Could it be that we are looking for shortcuts?? That we want to eat our cake as well as look at it? That we want to be able to drink our beer or our wine? That we want to be able to just sit on our butts while still losing weight?? The truth is... what got us into a national predicament of obesity is... eating unhealthy... drinking everything but water... sitting on our behinds... So why would hte solution be anything but the opposite of that?

It's simple... it requires committment for sure... but it is doable. We just need to do it... But we can find all sorts of excuses as to why we don't want to do it... why it would be easier not to do it... why we would be happier if we didn't do it... But it's our choice...

Bigger is Better?

Have you noticed how houses are getting bigger and bigger?? People want more space and more space... and yet more space. But all of this extra space... does it buy us extra happiness?? Extra freedom??? Or just give us extra work and extra worry??

There is a counter-movement undereway and it is epitomized by http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/... You might have seen this on Oprah or on the news. Jay Shafer designs custom tiny houses... anywhere for 96 sq ft (the one Jay lives in) to slightly larger (837 sq ft)... Maybe we don't need so much space... maybe we don't need so much to take care of! Maybe we could get by with less... If we had less space to live in, we'd be less tempted to buy more things... We could get by with just a bit... and not a lot...

That seems like an impossible thought in our society where 2000 sq ft homes are the norm... that would include the basement too... Something that is half the size seems small... a 600 sq ft apartment seems tiny... and 100 sq ft... well... that seems impossible!! But maybe... Mind you, I'd need to get rid of a lot of my stuff!!! A lot of my stuff... Mind you, I suppose one could always have a storage locker for some things... and if the house is so tiny then the utilities would be tiny as well...

Hmmm... how much space would you need to live in comfortably?? What could you do without? What could you not do without?

Looks can be Deceiving

So, I came to Starbucks today, my third most favourite one... around 2:15 pm... and all of the parking spots were full and I thought... "oohh... it's going to be full!!"... but I found a spot in the mall parking lot and went anyhow, with high hopes that there would at least be a spot at the bar... or maybe even a table... Well... both of the comfy chairs were free!!! So... you never can tell...

Sometimes, I think I go through life like that quite a bit... judging things by how things look... It looked full... but it wasn't full... I wonder what else I judge inaccurately?? People??? People who look grumpy, but aren't. People who seem standoffish... but aren't. Things??? Events? Situations?? Circumstances??? I think, I go through life judging an awful lot of things and situations and people... and I end up missing out on a lot of things!!

Which is kind of sad actually... that I go around judging things... and not really experiencing things.... or people, or events or situations. In fact, I wonder how much of those things or situations, I create because of my expected perception... Hmm... How much of my reality do I create??? How much of our reality do we create??? Good question....

To Do List

Well, due to one thing and another, my little to-dot list book has been languishing for about 2 weeks without being updated... and I feel kind of lost without it! I keep dropping little balls and my email inbox is getting rather chunky again! So, all that really means is that it's time for me to get back in the saddle with it.

I hate having things on little sticky notes and pieces of paper and then losing them and finding them... and misplacing them again. I have been taking a lot at MS OneNote... but I don't think it's for me... I like the touch and feel of paper and the convenience of having it right there with me all the time. Maybe once I get a smartphone... we'll see about that...

In the meantime, I'm going to spend some time this afternoon getting things back in order again... filing papers, writing things down, sorting things out. Every once in a while, I let my desk get a bit out of control and it runs away on me... But today is the day to rein it in and get things under control... Might even be time for some decluttering as well!! You never know what might happen... I know that if my external space is cluttered and messy... then my internal space seems to follow suite... Or maybe it's the reverse...?? Hmm....

Never thought of it that way... maybe my external space is a reflection of my internal space??? So if my thoughts are scattered and cluttered, then my external space will match that? That's an interesting thought... I might have to pay a bit more attention... I've always blamed it on the external space... but maybe it's the reverse... ooh... this is definitely a different way of looking at things!

Lost Luggage

Have you ever wondered what happens to lost luggage? Well... in the United States at least... all of the major airlines have a deal with a company called The Unclaimed Baggage Center. After 90 days of searching for the lost luggage's rightful owner, the airlines sell the lost luggage to the Unclaimed Baggage Center in Scotsboro Alabama. They then go through the luggage and donate a lot of it, throw some of it away and then sell the rest in their 40,000 sq ft retail store. Sort of Value Village on steroids. You can buy jewellery, sports equipment, electronic equipment, clothing, wedding gowns, toys, even barbie dolls stuffed with money (if you're lucky enough to find one)... also books, cds... you name it, it's there... anything that someone would put in their checked luggage or carry-on luggage... or that they would leave in a seat pocket. Sometimes there are even air freight cargo items...

Which makes me wonder... what happens with Canadian lost luggage??? Does it get sold to this outfit too? Or do we have our own Canadian version... Apparently not... In Canada, each airline is reponsible for lost bags. Both Air Canada and WestJet will try to find the owner based on the contents of the bag (so always put something identifiable inside your bag!!). If they can't find an owner, then they apparently post a description on Worldtracer that sits there for 90 days... After that, well... your bag is going to the big luggage carousel in the sky, with the contents either discarded or given away to charities...

So, the moral of the story is... always put something identifiable in your luggage... a business card, a prescription... sometime with your name and address on it. Don't rely on the outside luggage tag as those can get ripped off in the rough-dog-eat-dog world of the luggage carousels...

Retro Techno

So, I was reading an article on the web that outlined a bunch of technologies that are going to be obsolete soon... pocket digital cameras, ebook readers, gps devices, etc. All to be replaced by the smart phone and/or the tablet pc... Amazing.. I don't have most of those yet, nor a smartphone, so I don't feel so bad, but it makes me think that you have to move fast in this world to keep up with technology!

I've been playing a little bit with Microsoft OneNote... apparently a very slick little digital notebook type of program. You can copy and paste things into it, documents, pdf files, recipes, pictures, diagrams... you name it. You can organize it with tabs and colours and it's apparently great for keep track of to-do items. But... it's digital... and you basically have to have your computer with you to work with it... I've been wondering if I should switch over to it, instead of my coil-bound paper notebook... But the papernotebook I can keep with me everywhere... Mind you, I do have to copy things from one day to the next... but... it's tactile and handy...

Apparently another obsolete technology is calendars... and daytimers... nowadays people use the calendar feature on MS Outlook or on Google Calendar... your calendar is always there, you can share it with others to coordinate events... But again... something within me likes a hands-on thing... Am I already becoming a dinosaur??? Or maybe the smartphone can go with you everywhere and do everything... that's an option too I guess... Which would make a lot more sense... Maybe I just need to wait for technology to catch up??

Cigarette Warnings

So the Government of Canada has finally gone with larger, more graphic warnings on cigarette packaging. They've gone from 50% of the package to 75% of the package... and the pictures are much more graphic. There was some debate a few months back about whether or not Health Canada would go with the new warnings... for some reason they were hesitating... or it was stuck somewhere. Now, it's gotten unstuck and we can only hope that it will make a difference.

I suppose after a while, these warnings and packaging pictures just begin to blend into the background for regular smokers. They become blind to them... so changing them often is probably a good thing.

Predicting the Future

So, back in November, I got a cold... and I was pre-posting to this blog for December 21... So, it's mid-November in my world, but mid December in blog world... So, I'm writing about how I'm getting a sore throat and feel like a cold is coming on and, that's all fine... Except when December 21 did roll around in real time, guess what happened??? Yup, I got a sore throat and felt a cold coming on...

Talk about hairs standing on end! So... I'm not going to be blogging about colds anymore!! I don't need to put those into my future! I will be blogging about how great I feel!! How much fun it has been to exercise at the gym and see the pounds melting off... and my pants are fitting so much better... and I have more energy!

Which is a much better place to be in than lamenting about how things are not going well... I am amazed sometimes how often people just complain about things... and express their frustration with people and things... When really, all they are doing, is creating more of the same in their future... But they don't see that... which is kind of sad...

Balance in Life

So, how's your life balance?? Do you find that you can consistently balance the different aspects of your life? Physical, Intellectual, Emotional/Relational, Spiritual... When I look at that list, I do pretty good with Intellectual... where I would put work and reading books and writing... But then with the physical, well, that seems to come and go. At least I do eat pretty well, usually... although I could drink more water and get more intentional about exercise! As for spiritual... well... that's one of the first things to go by the board, particularly when I'm feeling strong and centred and grounded. I think that I can start cutting corners and dropping some time here and there... and it will all work out. You'd think that by now, after many experiences of the lack of spiritual time catching up with me... that I'd learn my lesson. But apparently I need a bit more practice in this! So... there is that... And then the emotional/relational... well... that can always use some more time and attention.

What I have noticed is that when I'm feeling out of sorts, I can pretty much count on the fact that I have neglected some aspect of my life... something is out of balance... I've let the tank run dry in one of those areas, and then I wonder why things aren't working out well... Because if I let the spirituality tank run dry, then I'm drawing more from the others, which means they start to run dry faster... I can't keep drawing on those areas, without somehow filling up the tank... spending time outside and exercising... spending time in meditation and doing yoga... spending time reading inspirational books... spending time with friends and family...

Taking care of myself...

Full Moon

The other week there was a full moon... and it was visible in the evening, rising in the east, and then again this morning, setting in the west. I've never really paid attention to the moonrises and moonsets... Do they always occur in the evening and in the morning??? I don't think so, but I have no sound evidence to go on... And, I just did a quick check and no... the moon rises and sets at different times depending on your location, the phase of the moon, etc, etc. Plus, the time between one moonrise and another is more than 24 hours, so there could be a day when you won't have a moonrise at all!

And that got me to wondering about the influence the full moon has on us... We know that, historically, there's been a link between the full moon and insanity... hence "lunatic" and "lunacy". Hospital workers dread a full moon because things go a bit crazy and the ER is much busier... But is there any truth to this? Is it based on the full moon? If you read the stuff on the internet, the results are not consistent... some say there is a negative influence, some say a positive influence... and some say it has no influence at all...

I guess it depends on each of us... or maybe it's just an excuse for our bad moods? Let's blame it on the moon?? Or on something else? We could blame it on a flu shot (causes irritability). Or on donating blood (makes us feel tired and lethargic). Or on something that we ate (gave us indigestion)... Funny how many things there are out there that we can blame stuff on... instead of taking responsibility for what's up with us now...We're just feeling lousy... and that's OK... There doesn't have to be anything to pin it onto... Just the awareness that we are feeling lousy is enough... Awareness and then making the choice for something else...

The Issue is Not the Issue

We say this in our workshops... "the issue is not the issue, it's how you relate to the issue that is the issue"... It flows off the tongue quite smoothly and quickly, but there is a lot to unpack in that statement. We react to a lot of things in life, thinking they are the issue... when really they are not. But we make them the issue... blame them for being the issue... shun them for being the issue... But it really has everything to do with us...

What's underneath that reaction?? Because the reaction is just the tip of the iceberg... there is something underneath there... For the last couple of years, I've been having a strong reaction to Christmas preparations, huge upsets and stuff... I can look around and blame it on all sorts of things... on the mess that comes with decorating, on the guests that come over... on the pressure to buy gifts... But that really isn't the issue... The real issue is I feel like crying... That's it... But I'm trying to find something in there that would make it understandable why I feel like crying... When I was a kid, my mother tells the story of how, in the days leading up to Christmas, I would make myself sick with anticipation and excitement. I would be throwing up my guts in the toilet... Maybe it wasn't excitement or anticipation... Maybe it was dread and sadness and fear... Because there was a lot of unspoken resentment in our household, which only got worse in the days leading up to Christmas... And I expressed it in the only way I knew how... getting sick... the only way that was acceptable... And now... in expressing that sadness... it can complete all those other times... and free me from the dread... Pretty cool...

Prison of our Own Making

A few months back, Robert Latimer was released from prison, and is now on parole. If you remember, he was convicted of killing his severely handicapped daughter who had cerebral palsy. He's been in jail since 2001. At the time of his release, he said that even with his release, he is just trading one prison for a bigger prison. He sounds a bit bitter and sour over the whole thing. Even though the bars of the prison are gone... he is taking them with him. Certainly, he has limitations on his parole... but he is the one who turns that into a prison.

And we do the same thing. We might not be in jail, but we create prisons for ourselves. The bars are made of a variety of things... our expectations about how we should behave, based on how we think other people expect us to behave... our judgements about ourselves and others... Because bars keep others out as much as they prevent us from breaking out... bars that are made of our fears about what others might think of us... bars that are made of our anger towards ourselves and others for how life has turned out for us, or for them... bars that are made of regrets for the way things turned out in the past.... We have the power to keep those bars in place... to keep those bars in existence... or we can dissolve them... for they are as nebulous as our thoughts... and they are as firm as our thoughts. They more we think about the them... the more solid they become... But we can let them go... we can let them fade away... and when they begin to rematerialize... we can let them go again...

We have the power and control over how we see life... as a prison... or as a place of freedom... Someone who is in jail could be free in their thoughts and their spirit. Someone who is not in prison, could be behind the bars of their thoughts... Our choice....

We are Enough

I don't know about you, but I have a nagging little conversation that happens in my head, the gist of which is "I am not enough". Nothing I do is every enough. I need to compete with others. I can't just be myself because that is not enough. I need to be something other than I am. All sorts of variations on a theme... Even this blog is not enough...

What I'm slowly getting clear on is... I am enough... me... just the way I am. The greatest gift I can give to the world is to be myself and fully express myself. I don't need to imitate anyone. I don't need to pretend that I am something other than I am. I just need to be me... to allow me to come to the forefront...

Kind of simple isn't it... Kind of obvious isn't it... And yet, I have gone through a large portion of my life trying to be something other than who I am. Not all the time for sure... but a large amount of the time. Trying to please others. Trying to be like others. Trying to fit in. Trying to blend in. Trying to hide...

Do you do the same thing... or something different... all variations on a similar theme? What would it be like if you were just you?? If you could be you and not try to be someone other than you? What a gift that would be to the world....

Read the Label

So, my windshield washer fluid ran out the other day. I knew I had a container in my truck and I knew that the winter stuff (good to -35 C) was blue... So I grabbed out the bottle of blue stuff and poured it into the washer fluid reservoir and happily drove out of our underground parking and into -15C. I had my time at Starbucks and when I got back in the truck and hit the road... well, you can guess what happened... Yup, now windshield washer fluid... It was working fine on the way there, so either the pump has stopped working or... gulp... I used the wrong fluid...

It's very hard to drive and see when you can't wash away the little tiny specks of dirty water from your windshield. Even though it was -15 to -10 out there, the salt on the roads meant that all the cars were kicking up dirty water drops... and they ended up on my windshield... And using your wipers in such a case doesn't help matters... it actually makes it worse... When I got home, I checked the container I had used and sure enough, even though it was blue... it was bug wash... not winter wash... Sigh... So after a few hours, the lines had thawed and I had done some research, so I sat in the truck and held the lever and let the stuff just spray out until the reservoir was empty... buying the winter stuff!!

The whole experience reminded me that reading labels is extremely important!! In my mind the winter stuff was blue... and so I didn't even look at the bottle I was pouring into the car. And when I did go to Canadian Tire to get the real stuff... it was actually green... which completely confuses me... Do they change the colours from one year to the next???

And driving with no washer fluid is a metaphor for life as well. We get all sorts of things tossed at us... things that cloud our vision and make it hard to see where we are going... Wiping them away doesn't help. Pretending they aren't there doesn't help... We actually need to wash them away... with prayer, with meditation, with being complete with things... All those things keep our spiritual washer fluid tanked up... If we let our reservoir run dry... well... we're going to be in trouble pretty quick! What keeps your spiritual washer fluid tanked up??

Virtual Clutter

We all know how oppressive physical clutter can be... too many things hanging around cramp our space and our ability to function. Filing cabinets overflowing with paper in which we can find nothing... The other day, I was reading an article on http://www.unclutterer.com/ about scanning paper files. This couple scanned all their documents and then went ahead and scanned all sorts of magazine articles that they wanted to keep as well...

Which leaves me begging the question... is virtual clutter any better than physical clutter? Is it more unobtrusive? Is it OK that we can fit tonnes of paper onto a flashdrive the size of our thumb? Does that make it any more manageable? Is "out of sight, out of mind" the thing to hold onto here?

Obviously, having thousands of documents on a flashdrive doesn't help you if they are not organized. But if we can't even organize our physical paper... how good are we going to be at organizing our virtual paper? And if we can't do that... then all those virtual documents are basically useless to us. If we can't find them... then what's the point of having them...

I do like the idea of being able to scan things and then let them go... although part of me shudders at the thought of throwing away papers and documents... "what if I need the original some day"!!! Then again... we can't hold onto everything... can we?

The other thing here is getting the right scanner... one that has a hopper you can feed stacks of paper into... They used the Fujitsu ScanSnap which can do that... I don't think I could do it using my little HP All-In-One, which can only handle one paper at a time... You need something that has a scanning capability, almost like a photocopier... Which makes me think... Staples has big huge copiers that scan very quickly and store things in memory before printing/copying it on paper... What about just inserting a thumbdrive and getting your copies on that... Oohhh... possibilities!!

Internal Conversations

Do you have internal conversations with yourself? I'm not talking multiple personalities or schizophrenia or anything like that... I mean, do you hear the internal monologue that is going on in your head? For me, I'm becoming much more aware of it... and it's interesting to say the least. I got up this morning, wanted to go to Starbucks quickly without showering, but my hair was standing on end... So I was going to use the shower head on a hose to wet it down, but then had a very quick internal conversation that said that wouldn't be a good idea for a variety of reasons, which basically boiled down to not annoying my partner. So, I was headed for the bathroom sink to try and wet it down with my hands... And I stopped myself, recognized the conversation and then chose what would be easiest and most convenient for me... using the shower head.

It happens all the time... I do a quick little two-step in my head and justify the actions that I choose based on it not offending someone, or being the least annoying thing... or whatever... And I do it all the time. Most of the time I am not even aware that it's going on... it's happening by itself... and I am at the mercy of it. I make choices that don't have my best interests at heart. I don't do the things that I want to do... I do the things that others want me to do... I choose actions that squelch me... so that I won't squelch others... Go figure...

Enough of that... And it is a challenge at this point to see where my thoughts are taking me and to stop, reassess and then choose something because I choose it... rather than my internal monologue/critic/censor chooses it for a variety of crazy reasons...

Amelia Earhart

Back in December, there was an article in the newspaper which grabbed my attention. Researchers believed that they had discovered some bone fragments and 1930s artifacts on Nikumaroro Island in the Pacific Ocean. Earhart's disappearance on her round-the-world flight has long been a mystery and well... it would be kind of cool if they had figured it out. We like our mysteries... but we also like it when they are finally solved. We like to know that something has been tied up neatly and tidily... That there can finally be closure on something. Mind you... that just sends us off to the next thrill and the next hunt... We are explorers by nature I think. We want to know things, to find things out... to discover and uncover things...