Alright, so now what... How do you keep going through the inevitable pitfalls and slip-ups and disbelief from those around you? Well, there are a few things that can keep us going, according to M.J. Ryan.
One of them is to figure out what motivates you... Is it the social interaction? Competition? Achievement? Rewards? Personal Integrity? You've got to figure out what it is that keeps your momentum going... And what works for one person may not work for another person, so experiment and see what works for you...
Sometimes, we have the best of intentions and state our committment to something, but we end up not making it. What's up with that! M.J. Ryan suggests taking a look and seeing if there is another overriding committment that you are more committed to... She says we all have a core assumption or core belief that is self-protective, that kicks in when we are trying to alter something... What is your core assumption (you'll need to read p.154-159 of the book to get this in a deep way!)... I'm not loved. I don't matter. I'll never succeed. Life is too hard. Everybody is out to get me. I'm invisible.
We have habits (good and bad) because somewhere in there, they bring us satisfaction of some sort. The question for us is... is it lasting, long-term satisfaction and happiness or short-term? Having a bowl of ice-cream is short-term happiness... having ice-cream packed around our middle is not long-term happiness!! So the question to ask ourselves, whenever we are faced with a choice is... will this contribute to my long-term happiness/satisfaction? Stop and engage your thinking brain (not your emotional brain who wants it NOW)... and see what happens...
Not everyone is going to understand or even support the changes you are making in your life. In fact, if you've give up chocolate or desserts, you may find people trying to force them on you even more! It's for you to say "no"... and for you to make sure that you surround yourself with people who support you in your life and in your choices. It's your life, not theirs... Never live your life according to the opinions and judgements of others...
It's not only others who talk negative talk at us... It's ourselves! Those voices in our head that make us doubt ourselves, doubt our abilities... doubt everything actually. M.J. Ryan gives a couple of options to handle those voices, one is ABCDE model and the other is one developed by Byron Katie. In the second, when those voices get going and tell you that you are a loser... ask yourself four questions:
1 - Is it true?
2 - Can you absolutely know it is true?
3 - How do you react when you think that thought?
4 - Who would you be without that thought?
Try it and see...
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