A Shift

I was reading the Prairie Messenger from a few weeks ago. It's a Catholic newspaper coming out of Saskatchewan. They had a piece written by a lady now living in Edinburgh, in which she was praising the virtues of the "extraordinary" version of the Mass... i.e. the Traditional Latin Mass. My first response was to wonder where the PM is going now!! Who put something so conservative in this newspaper... But then I actually skimmed the article and even read it too... This woman praises the mystery and meditative aspects of the Latin Mass... Now don't get me wrong... I am not an advocate of the Latin Mass but...

I thought... isn't it interesting... today, we so often lament that Catholic spirituality has lost its contemplative/meditative aspects... We are all hungry for spirituality... and we turn to things like yoga and meditation classes... We crave silence and a sense of divine transcendence... We crave something that allows us to let go of all of our worries and enter into a state of contemplation... With silence, and chanting a language we don't understand, with incense and bells... Is it a Buddhist ceremony or a Latin Mass? Maybe we could take a look again and see what we lost when we gave up the meditative/mystical aspects of the Latin Mass... Maybe we need to look and see how we could incorporate a bit more being into our rituals... rather than all the doing...

Debt

There was an article in the news last week that talked about Canadian household debt. Apparently 59% of Canadian employees live pay cheque to pay cheque... which means that if their pay cheque was a week late, they would be in financial trouble. Half of Canadian employees put away 5% or less of their earnings into savings... Scary isn't it? This sort of thing has the potential to create problems for individuals as well as the Canadian economy as a whole...

Interesting... that the saving/spending habits of your neighbour down the street can ultimately affect your bottom line. Because if their saving/spending can affect the Canadian economy... guess who that is going to affect... you... Similarly... your overspending... your inability to save money... affects your neighbour down the street who is trying to watch their pennies and who is trying to save money... adversely too...

We live in an interconnected society... Our actions do not just affect ourselves... they affect everyone around us... You are not an island... I am not an island... We have a communal responsibility to live our lives in a way that moves everything forward... not just our own lives...

Rituals

Have you ever noticed how soothing it is to have rituals?? Whether it is something we do in the morning... brew the coffee, read a book, have breakfast, do some writing... Or whether it is something we do at work... turn on our computer, check our emails, schedule our day, tidy our desk... There is something that we humans really like about ritual... About doing something the same way morning after morning or day after day... The corollary of that is... we can get quite "out of sorts" when our rituals are turned upside down!! We like our rituals. They give us security and comfort... We can then feel uncomfortable and distracted and insecure when our rituals are thrown out the window... Whether it is arriving at work late... getting a surprise request from our boss... finding that we are out of coffee... getting an early morning phone call... Or whatever it is...

Rituals are soothing... they are comforting... they help to ground us, keep us balanced... Rituals are like an anchor in our lives... or maybe several anchors... And when rituals are turned upsdie down, we find our lives turned upside down and we are cast adrift on the currents of life...

Sometimes though, rituals can feel boring... they can feel stifling and we get tired of the "same old, same old"... we yearn for something new... we yearn for something different... We crave newness, freshness in our lives... So we alter our rituals a little bit... add something new, make a change... and create a new ritual for a new time in our lives... We are, after all, always moving, always changing, always learning and always developing... the rituals from 10 years ago might not serve us today... And the rituals we have today might not serve us next month or next year...

Two Wolves

An ancient Cherokee Shaman was pondering on the two wolves he had seen during his forrest adventure that day, when one of his grandchildren came running up and reminded him it was time for the evening teaching. The old Cherokee ruffled the hair of his youngest grandson and said he was on his way. He knew the exact story he would tell that night. The wolves in the forrest had been an omen.

The campfire was already burning brightly and all the youngsters were waiting with great anticipation to hear the wise words of their grandfather. Without any delay the old Cherokee Shaman began the lesson for his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me...It is a terrible fight, and it is between a pair of wolves.

One of the wolves represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, pride and superiority.

The other wolf stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

This same fight is going on inside of you and every other person too."

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee Shaman simply replied..."The wolf I feed."

Craziness

I just read an online news article from Australia about a woman who got so hooked in playing an online computer game that she neglected her three children and two pet dogs. The children survived by eating baked beans straight out of the tin. The dogs starved to death. This woman slept for maybe 2 hours a night. The thing that saved them was a neighbour who peeked in the mail slot, saw the disaster of a house and phoned the authorities...

What is it about computers games and virtual reality that draws us in? What is it that we can get so addicted to a virtual reality... a game that means nothing... that we neglect our real life... a life that means everything? Is it a form of escapism? That the real life is so out of control that we turn to something that is within our control? But to neglect children (ages 6, 9 & 10 apparently)... To let dogs starve to death...

Thank God for a nosey neighbour who recognized that something was not quite right... But surely this addicted woman must have known that something was off too? Surely, deep within her addicted consciousness, something was niggling at her to feed the children... to feed the dogs... Something was calling her to stop... it's too bad that she chose something else... that she chose to feed her addiction... Calling it an addiction is giving up responsibility... Saying that she had no control over it... I believe she did have control over it... does have control over it... She chose what she chose... Everyday is a choice... between feeding an addiction or not feeding it...

Vancouver Weather

I'm not quite sure when it happened... it's been sneaking up on us for months I guess... maybe even the whole summer... But somewhere along the line, somebody transferred Vancouver weather to Calgary!! We've had a lot of drizzle and rain the last couple of weeks, and today is no exception... It's not normal for Calgary!! Mind you, the plants are liking it... but the farmers are not... Farmers are still waiting for their crops to ripen and a spate of dry weather so that they can harvest in peace and quiet. Climate change is definitely in evidence here!! And from what I can gather, BC has been having quite the heat wave over the summer... maybe even more like AB weather should be! Ah well... It's kind of interesting when the weather comes on and we find that Yellowknife is warmer than Calgary!! Guess those 3500 feet above sealevel do make a difference in temperatures...

The "issue" is not the issue...

There's a saying that: "The issue is not the issue... it's the relationship you have to the issue, that's the issue"!! For me, this is something that is always unfolding before me... The issue is never the issue... I might like to think it is... I might believe that it is... but the issue is not the issue... It is the relationship that I am having to the issue, that is the issue! The driver who cuts me off in traffic is not the issue... the issue is how I am relating to being cut off in traffic that is the issue... I can hold it as something that is annoying and frustrating and irritating... I can blame the other driver for being so crazy and irresponsible and everything else... but that's not the issue... And me blaming others for things just keeps me stuck...

There was a quote I read the other day...

"Even if you have a lot of work to do, if you think of it as wonderful, and if you feel it as wonderful, it will transform into the energy of joy and fire, instead of becoming a burden." Tulku Thondup Rinpoche

Isn't that just the truth!!! If I see something as being a burden, and I resist it and get pissed off at it, and feel overwhelmed by it... then that is exactly what is going to show up... But if I alter my relationship to the issue... if I hold it, not as a burden, but as something wonderful and exciting and an adventure... then it is going to alter tremendously...

The issue is not the issue... No matter what it might be... The issue is not what has been done to you... the issue is not what you read... the issue is not what you hear... the issue is not what people say... The issue is how you relate to all of that...

Things vs. Things

The books I've been reading seem to focus on the current consumer-driven society we live in. Everything revolves around us acquiring more things, making more purchases... bringing more stuff into our lives. Every birthday that rolls around... every Christmas that rolls around... we are faced with the daunting task of buying more things for people... often things that they don't even want. We know that things dont' make us happy... and we are addicted to purchasing and acquiring more things. Maybe it's getting a new car... or a new computer... or buying books... or clothes... or whatever it might be... the latest toys and gadgets that are out there... All of it designed to make us happy... and all of it failing miserably...

But there's another category of things that we can enter into a relationship with... The above stuff is more about "having things"... But what about "doing things"... What about doing things together... Going for a walk... making crafts... playing a game... digging in the garden... writing a book... singing a song... going to a play... taking a trip... Some of these things involve an expenditure... some don't... But the thing with these things (!) is that we are doing something with another person... usually... We are doing something that creates a relationship or deepens it... We are sharing an experience that will become part of our collective memory. We aren't adding more things to our collection... unless of course we bring home souvenirs or t-shirts or the collectable brochure...

Things vs. things... Having/buying/acquiring things vs. doing/sharing/participating things... The one just weighs us down... the othe sparks our creativity and engages us as individuals with others....

Peace and Quiet

It's kind of soothing to just get away from the house, get away from the familiar routine and come to a place where I can sit in a comfortable chair and just blog away... or read... to my heart's content. No chores nagging at the edge of consciousness... No phone ringing in my ear... No emails zipping into the inbox... It's time for me... just me... to enjoy the ambience... to not feel any pressure... and to just relax into being...

It's sort of like a timeout for me... time to get out of the regular routine... and just take time to be... time to just sit and do something creative. At home, there are always other things chomping away at my attention, nagging for me to do something with them... Here, at least, I can put them on hold for a while, and come back refreshed and rejuvenated. I enjoy writing for me... for the pleasure of seeing words take shape out of my fingertips... for seeing the ideas flowing out of consciousness and onto the page. Sometimes they make more sense to me than at other times.... but it is something I must do... to just put the words on the page...

Music

Hanging out at Starbucks, like I do... I've listened to an awful lot of background music. Most often they play old crooner type songs (Frank Sinatra, etc.) or, what I would call, Jazz... Now, I've never been a big fan of Jazz. Not my music type at all!! Mind you, I've never really listened to it either.... or given it a chance! But now... with digital TV... there are all sorts of music channels at the mid-range and there's at least three that are music channels... It's like having a satellite radio... So, I've started listening to these channels as background noise at home and... I have to admit... I am actually liking them!! I find them very soothing and great background for anything creative.... like cooking or writing... They usually have a nice flow and it's easy to ride the wave of the music and just see where it carries me...

I've read somewhere... don't ask me where... that we grow into different genres of music throughout our lifetime... Maybe Jazz is something like that... Something that one grows into at a certain point in one's life... Not to say that early is necessarily better... it's just different for each and every one of us...

Which just goes to show... it's never too late to learn new tricks or learn something different... or get caught with something that surprises you... It's good to know that there are still surprises out in the world... things that I can learn from... things with which I can stretch myself... There's always other possibilities out there... And something that never seemed to be my "thing" a decade ago... might actually surprise me in the now... like oatmeal... and Jazz... and who knows what might come next!

E-Book Readers

There's been lots of hype in the news about e-book readers. Amazon's Kindle... Chapters' Kobo... Sony has one too... They look awfully slick... And I know that you can store all sorts of books on them... In Cahpters, you can even download e-titles to your laptop or smartphone... Now, I don't know about you, but there's something with the e-books that I'm just not warming to... I get the convenience of them. I get that I could have 1000's of books in a little devie the size of a slim paperback... And yet... There's something warm and fuzzy about a "real" book... There's something comforting about curling up with a paper book, in a nice comfy armchair... Maybe I just need to try an e-reader to test it out but... I'm not sure... I guess I'm a bit skeptical that it can match the pleasures of a real book... I know that libraries nowadays have e-books for loan... You get it for three weeks and then it will self-delete from your e-reader... Sounds pretty simple... And it would definitely make moving a lot easier!!! No boxes and boxes of books to haul around. But then too... there's something nifty and nice about standing in front of a bookshelf and idly flipping through books before settling on one...

Maybe... maybe not... I'm not sold on e-readers... My sister has one and loves it to pieces but... Sigh... maybe I need to try one out for a while... I wonder though if e-books will ever supplant real books...  it would save a lot of trees for sure... hmmmm....

To-Do List

Anybody else out there have the dreaded "to-do" list?? I don't know how other people work their lists but my method has usually been this... I find a piece of paper (usually half of an 8.5x11 sheet), and list all the things that are clamouring for my attention... Usually categorized somehow... And then, the list will sit on my desk... But then sometimes I'll make a daily to-do list... so now there are two lists sitting on my desk... And sometimes, the old list gets lost, so I make a new list... which is missing some things that I can't remember... So, now there are three to-do lists running around my desk and playing hide and seek with each other... Crazy!!

The other day I was reading a book (don't ask me which one)... and the person suggested using a notebook for to-do lists... And writing out the to-do list fresh each day... I usually redo my to-do list every couple of days anyhow... so... I thought, hmmm... this sounds like it might work... I got a coil bound notebook and figure I'll write the to-do list on the right hand page, and on the left hand page I can make notes on things... if I need to... or it can be an overflow spot... As things get scratched off the list, I can look back and see how much progress I've made. Plus... if something is still on my to-do list several months later, I know it is time to really get cracking on it!

I'm not entirely sure that this will work, but it is a different way of doing to-do lists that I haven't tried yet... so we'll give it a whirl. I could even get a highlighter (or two) and colour code things!!! By priority or something... yellow, blue, orange, pink, green... colours do make the world go around!

Self-Discipline

It seems to me that the virtue most lacking in the world today is self-discipline... We've gotten so used to instant gratification that the practice of self-discipline is a fast disappearing art... Sometime it's just too "hard" to practice self-discipline!! It takes a lot to do yoga every morning... even when we don't want to. It takes a lot to get out and exercise every day. It takes a lot to resist the chocolate bar... or the icecream... or the cheese-loaded nachos! Or is that just our story? Does it take a "lot"??? Or do we create a "lot" of drama around something... when really... all we need to do is... well... just do it!

The offshoot of a lack of self-discipline... or the precursor... is procrastination... I'll do it later... I'll do it tomorrow... I'll do it next week. We can find all sorts of justifications for that... all sorts of things that will excuse us from doing things now... But really, when you look at it, all those things that we are pushing ahead of us are weighing us down. We're not doing them, so we just pick them up, like some weird sort of event-collector, and put them in our virtual backpack to "take a look at later... or to do later"... I don't know about you... but my backpack can get pretty full and pretty heavy!!! There's stuff at the bottom of that backpack that I haven't taken a look at in months... if not years... Projects that have been languishing on the backburner for quite a while... Those are some darn heavy events in there!!!

This past week, I was actually taking a look at what was in my backpack and completing some of those things... Because although there are some big, heavy ones that have been around a long time... there are also a bunch of little ones that need to be handled. And a bunch of little things can get pretty heavy after a while! It felt good to get a bunch of stuff done... to clear some space... to complete some things... To let go of some things...to get clear on what was actually in my backpack... Now that I know... I can at least come up with a plan...  I know my backpack will never be empty... but at least it doesn't have to be overflowing!!

Attention Seekers

I'm sorry... but reading last week about Pastor Terry Jones and his plans to hold a Koran-burning day... well... All I could think of was... isn't he the media hound!! Even with leaders of nations pleading with him to reconsider... he was still so set on his course. He was so self-centred that he couldn't just stop, admit that maybe it wasn't the greatest idea, and change his stance. He was so fixated on himself... that he couldn't see the bigger picture...

We're not like that are we?? Noooo... of course not!! Not us... We don't get stuck into thinking that the world revolves around us... No, of course not... We don't get fixated on things and refuse to let them go do we?? No, of course not... We're not like Terry Jones at all...

Uh-huh... take a look again... The reason Terry Jones is so annoying is that we also have some of those very same features within ourselves... We too get fixated on things... refuse to admit an error... We too think the world revolves around us... Time to break that bubble...

Complexity

"I'll have a grande extra water, no fat soy vanilla latte"... eh??? That's the sort of things people order here at Starbucks. I have no idea how the baristas do it!! How do they remember the complex orders that people put in. I'm sure they're just happy to get a simple "grande hot chocolate" order, or a "cafe americano"... In the old days, we would say that somebody who orders something that complicated is "high maintenance"... It reminds me of that movie with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan, "When Harry met Sally"... Sally orders a salad, but it is such a complicated order that Harry just sits there and then says "high maintenance"...

We like the things that we like... but sometimes it seems like we take it a bit over the top. We want things exactly the way that we want them and nothing else will do... And if we don't get things exactly the way we want them, then we can often have a little hissy fit in the middle of it all! Is that sort of complexity really necessary in our lives? Do we need to have everything exactly the way we want it?? Or could it be different somehow? Could we simplify our lives a little bit?

I'm reading that book by Peter Walsh right now, "Enough Already", and it really speaks to me on how complicated we can make our lives. We create drama in our lives where none is required. Maybe it's because we are addicted to drama... Maybe it's because without the shot of drama in our lives, we think that our lives are too boring and... simple? Drama for the sake of drama is really a waste of time... We make mountains out of mole hills. We create upset where none is required... We make a tempest in a teapot... There are all sorts of proverbs that speak to our way of making something bigger than it really is...

Something within us likes to believe that we matter in the world. Something within us likes to believe that the world revolves around us. But what happens when we don't see that?? Well, we create the drama, we create the scenario that does make us the centre... We draw attention to ourselves by having an upset or creating a full-blown drama queen routine... What a waste of time! I doesn't have to be that way...

The Summer

I'm not sure where the summer went this year. It seems like it hardly started and already it's over! Of course, being gone for a couple of months early on in the summer might be part of it! But still, we've had a lot of cool weather and more than our share of rain and drizzle this summer. Today is no different, with clouds and rain and a raw wind. It feels a lot more like Fall than the last dog days of summer.

I always find it amazing how the weather can influence our moods. Waking up in the morning to beaming sunshine coming in the window inspires me to get out of bed, get on my bike and get out into nature. Waking up to grey clouds and the sound of rain on the roof, just make be want to stay in bed... or if I do get up, to curl up in front of a roaring fire with a good book! But... and there's always a but!!... maybe I need to knock this on its head and get that my mood is not necessarily linked to the weather! The world is what I make of it. My reaction to things is just my reaction to things and has nothing to do with the "thing" itself. I was sitting there one morning, grumbling to myself about "things"... and then suddenly realized what I was doing... and realized all the things I had to be grateful for! A roof or my head, warm clothes, a furnace heating the house, good food, etc... So much to be grateful for... and that attitude of gratitude does create a shift... Being grateful for what we have in our current situation, whatever it might be... grateful for the gift of breath... grateful for the gift of sight... grateful for the gift of touch...

I find that when I'm reporting, explaining, describing.... when I am blaming and complaining... the thing that can shift me the quickest is gratitude...

Mental Clutter

I'm reading a book right now by Peter Walsh (of Clean Sweep fame) called: "Enough Already - Clearing Mental Clutter to Become the Best You". I'm only in the early stages of it, but I'm already liking it alot! What I'm reading resonates with me in the RTS world as well... What he calls mental clutter, I would call incompletions. Things that hang around our space and clutter up our emotional, spiritual, mental, intellectual space. There's a lot to be said for decluttering in the physical world... but clearly, there is a lot to be done in the mental world as well!

While we... and others... can see physical clutter, mental clutter is more insidious because nobody can see it. We know it's there though... Part of it is learning to become aware of it... and once you're aware of it... to let it go and get rid of it. Mind you, given how hard it is to let go of physical clutter... I imagine letting go of mental clutter is even more challenging! And I'm thinking, it has a habit of crawling back into our lives if we're not vigilant!

Quakers

The other day I was reading a book that mentioned the Stillwater "sect/religion/church" founded by Tasha Tudor. The book said it was a mixture of Quakers, Shakers & Amish beliefs... I blithely went searching on the internet for more information and came up with pretty much nothing... But I did get interested in seeing what some of the other groups believe...

The Amish I know a little bit... they pretty much reject all modern conveniences and still have horses and buggies...

The Shakers made some cool furniture and houses... there aren't that many of them today... and they seem to have been an offshoot of the Quakers...

The Quakers... Well, I thought that they dressed funny and ate a lot of oatmeal! Turns out that my story about them is just that... a story! I did a bit of research... and I like what I read! Quakers basically believe that each person can have a direct, unmediated relationship with God. Their weekly meetings are held in silence and if the Spirit moves someone to speak, then they speak. They don't have a heirarchy at all... They don't believe that scripture is the last word, but that there is ongoing revelation.  They believe that each of us has the Inner Light, which should be a primary source of guidance. They are pacifists. They believe that all are equal before God. They are mystical, but it's not an individual mysticism but a group mysticism. So, revelations from the Inner Light or Inner Voice can be tested by the group...  The inward journey to communion with God is coupled necessarily with an outward manifestation, in the way one lives one's life. They are open to other religions and the wisdom contained therein. Few Quakers believe in the eternal punishment of individuals in hell. They don't have sacraments but see the entire word as sacramental and revelatory. The Quakers run the gamut from conservative to liberal and don't have a creed per se... This is just an overview... and given that the Quakers are quite diverse... not necessarily true for all of them! What I find interesting, is that I can agree with pretty much everything that I read... Mind you, given that they don't practice baptism, technically the Catholic Church would not see them as "Christian"... interesting...

http://www.religioustolerance.org/quaker2.htm

http://www.quaker.org/friends.html

http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/christianity/subdivisions/quakers_1.shtml

9 Years Later

It is 9 years since 9/11 happened and our world changed. This past week, there has been talk of some tiny little "church" in Florida holding "Burn a Koran Day". There has been much outcry against them... and I am left wondering how a democracy that supports religious freedom, can permit one religion to burn the books of another? So, although our world has changed since 9/11... clearly, not much has changed.

I actually had bought a used Koran about 10 years ago when I was taking a World Religions course. My idea was that I might actually read it... Alas, that never happened... although I have managed to read my way through the Bible! I really don't know a lot about the Koran other than the distortions that come out on the news. I've heard that there's a lot of violence and vengeance in it... which isn't all that different from the Bible! Maybe it's time to round up another copy and see what it actually says? In the interests of world peace and learning about my neighbour...

Just a Day

Wow... it's kind of neat not to be tied to a book again! I can just write about whatever strikes me... whatever seems to be interesting to me... Mind you, a lot of that does have to do with books that I read so... We may get some more references to books but... For now, enough with the book study/reports!

Mind you... there are some books that I just love... and that is decluttering books. I've gotten a couple out of the library this past week and they always inspire me to go through my stuff and get rid of things...

Speaking of which... libraries are the greatest places!! What with the recession and everything, many more people are using their local public libraries. It's a great way to read a book and save money. Mind you, you have to be able to read a book in 3 to 4 weeks... And sometimes, I'll see a book in Chapters, get on the internet and see if the library has it. Most times they do, but sometimes it means I have to put a hold on it and that can take several days or even weeks to get to me... So Chapters is all about instant gratification... while the library is about delayed gratification. The other thing too is... At Chapters I will often buy more than I can read... While at the library, I am keenly aware that ordering 5 books is not going to be a good plan for the next 3 weeks! So, the library teaches me patience as well as stamina. And really, if I do buy 5 books at Chapters, odds are a few of those books are going to sit on my bookshelf for a few months or years before I get around to them... So why not just pace myself and use the library??

Sounds like a plan!

This Year I Will... Conclusion

I like this book! This is the second time I've read it and it was helpful to me to blog about it... to get clear on the main points she is bringing across. But I am also aware that reading isn't enough... It has to be put into practice... Live it or lose it!

This Year I Will... Keeping Your Promise to Yourself

M.J. Ryan gives 12 tips for us to keep our promises to ourselves!

1. Make it Non-Negotiable - when/how/where is up for negotiation... but not THAT you WILL do it
2. Make it Actionable - No fuzzy-wuzzy things... have a concrete goal and concrete actions to get there
3. Come up with Solutions for your Usual Excuses - create strategies to deal with your usual excuses
4. Use Procrastination to your Advantage - look for real deadlines that will kick you in the butt!
5. Schedule it in - Put it in your daytimer and treat it like an appointment with someone else
6. Do it Daily - Make something part of your regular routine and it will begin to happen naturally
7. Monitor your Behaviour - put it down in writing and keep track
8. Focus on the Horizon - look at how far you've come... not how far you still have to go
9. Take it one Choice at a Time - Make conscious choices, not unconcious reactions... Choose differently
10. Find Someone who's doing what you want and imitate them - find a role model and imitate them
11. Teach it to Someone Else - become a mentor and practice what you preach
12. Treat Yourself Kindly - We're only human... we do the best we can... we screw up... hold yourself in love and treat yourself with kindness.

This Year I Will... Keeping Going III

So you've blown it... You had a cookie and now you might as well eat the whole box, right? Or you missed one workout, so you might as well skip a few more days, right? Wrong! You are going to screw up, you are going to blow it, but it's not the end of the world. Get over it and move on. It isn't what you did in the pasts that matters, it's what you're choosing to do now... So get back on track...

So you're making some changes... maybe losing weight, or getting organized or whatever... Instead of just focussing on your goals there, take a look at the heart and character strengths you are developing as well... for they will stand you in good stead long after you've lost those 20 lbs or gotten organized... Maybe it's courage or inner determination or tenacity or self-trust or patience... You'll discover some fire deep within yourself... that you never knew you had...

And somewhere along the way, if you stick with it, you'll find it comes more easily, more automatically... and you've created a new habit... Congratulate yourself!!! Enjoy your success...

So you're doing pretty good... your new habit is nicely ingrained... but then something happens and your routine changes drastically... and suddenly you're stressed and drinking Coke again... or skipping your workout... It happens, we go back to our old habits, because that old pathway is still there in our brain. Get clear on what stresses you out... is it deadlines? Is it too much on your plate? Plan in advance how you'll handle the stress...

And if you do screw up, don't listen to that voice that tells you "you can't do it", "you might as well give up"... M.J. Ryan recommends assessing the current situation, adjusting what needs to be done, admiring yourself for having the strength to start again and acting quickly to implement your new course of action (the 4 A's)...

Paper Paper and More Paper

So... I'm a letter-writer from way back. My parents, especially my mother, always taught me that I needed to thank people in writing for gifts... especially from the relatives across the ocean! So, I've written a lot of letters and a lot of cards in my lifetime. The year that I spent in San Francisco, I actually managed to totally use up my backlogged supply of charity-supplied cards and writing paper... Which was a really neat feeling! Except... in the 10 years since then, I've bought cool cards and writing paper and my backlog is once again... significant! Sigh... And so, I write cards and letters... It's kind of nice to have a choice of paper and cards... I'm hoping though, to once again get it all whittled down to the point where I can once again go out and buy things that please my eye! I suppose that's one good thing... In buying beautiful cards and writing paper, it is an inspiration to write...

This Year I Will... Keeping Going II

So, you screwed up... You didn’t manage to floss your teeth every evening this week. You snapped at your mother on Wednesday after 2 weeks of being pretty good... Guess what, you’re not perfect. That’s all. Nobody is... And the challenge in that is for us not to beat ourselves up, but to just get up and keep trying... keep doing it...

And if you do screw up... so what... Just remember, you can’t change what you’ve done... only what you are doing. So don’t give up hope... Realize that, for whatever reason, you haven’t kept your word and now acknowledge that and move on...

We all experience temptations to go back to the way things were. If we give up drinking Coke, we're going to experience cravings. M.J. Ryan suggests using a SIFT method to just be with your craving, be aware of it, but don't run screaming from it. SIFT stands for Sensations (what are the sensations in your body), Images (what images are coming up), Feelings (what emotions are you experiencing) and Thinking (what thoughts are you telling yourself).

Are you having fun yet?? No?? Well, having fun is one sure-fire way to make sure a new habit sticks. What would it take to make this new thing fun for you? Don't take yourself so seriously either...

And when things really seem overwhelming... why not ask for some help from other realms... divine, ancestral, whatever it is for you. Just ask for help and see what happens... And if help does show up (as it most likely will), remember to take it...

This Year I Will... Keeping Going I

Alright, so now what... How do you keep going through the inevitable pitfalls and slip-ups and disbelief from those around you? Well, there are a few things that can keep us going, according to M.J. Ryan.

One of them is to figure out what motivates you... Is it the social interaction? Competition? Achievement? Rewards? Personal Integrity? You've got to figure out what it is that keeps your momentum going... And what works for one person may not work for another person, so experiment and see what works for you...

Sometimes, we have the best of intentions and state our committment to something, but we end up not making it. What's up with that! M.J. Ryan suggests taking a look and seeing if there is another overriding committment that you are more committed to... She says we all have a core assumption or core belief that is self-protective, that kicks in when we are trying to alter something... What is your core assumption (you'll need to read p.154-159 of the book to get this in a deep way!)... I'm not loved. I don't matter. I'll never succeed. Life is too hard. Everybody is out to get me. I'm invisible.

We have habits (good and bad) because somewhere in there, they bring us satisfaction of some sort. The question for us is... is it lasting, long-term satisfaction and happiness or short-term? Having a bowl of ice-cream is short-term happiness... having ice-cream packed around our middle is not long-term happiness!! So the question to ask ourselves, whenever we are faced with a choice is... will this contribute to my long-term happiness/satisfaction? Stop and engage your thinking brain (not your emotional brain who wants it NOW)... and see what happens...

Not everyone is going to understand or even support the changes you are making in your life. In fact, if you've give up chocolate or desserts, you may find people trying to force them on you even more! It's for you to say "no"... and for you to make sure that you surround yourself with people who support you in your life and in your choices. It's your life, not theirs... Never live your life according to the opinions and judgements of others...

It's not only others who talk negative talk at us... It's ourselves! Those voices in our head that make us doubt ourselves, doubt our abilities... doubt everything actually. M.J. Ryan gives a couple of options to handle those voices, one is ABCDE model and the other is one developed by Byron Katie. In the second, when those voices get going and tell you that you are a loser... ask yourself four questions:
1 - Is it true?
2 - Can you absolutely know it is true?
3 - How do you react when you think that thought?
4 - Who would you be without that thought?
Try it and see...

This Year I Will... Getting into Action IV

Did you know that learning happens in 3 phases? The first is called Post Hoc - you recognize after the fact that you wanted to do things differently. This is good, because before, you weren't even aware enough to know what was going on. The second is called Ad Hoc - you're aware while you're doing it, that you want to do it differently. The third is Pre Hoc - you're learned it so well that you've got it in place before anything happens. It's great to be in the third stage... but you need to go through the first two stages to get there! And in that, you can feel like you're making no progress, because you're painfully aware of all your screw-ups... but at least you're aware of them! Just don't judge yourself as being "bad" and give up in defeat... Awareness of screw-ups means you're on the road of progress...

Changing in-grown habits is hard work... It requires committment, not a lazy-hazy attitude... It's a serious challenge, so show up that way... mentally, emotionally, spiritually... It's in showing up that we display our grit, our determination to succeed... It's not something you have, it's something you create when you choose to show up for what you really want for yourself...

So you're done some changes, now... how are you progressing?? It's good to spend some time in reflection, to do a post-game review. What worked? What didn't work? What could you do differently next time?

When you're making changes, it's helpful to think of it one day at a time... I will exercise today. And then tomorrow, I will do it again... Don't think "forever" and "never again"... your mind doesn't like that sort of stuff! It can handle doing without chocolate for one day. And then again tomorrow... Your brain wants to maintain the status quo, but is also hardwired for adaptation. Too much of a change and your mind strains to keep the status quo in place... Little changes it can handle though...

Finally, don't be so hard on yourself! So you didn't do yoga 2 days out of 2 weeks... Don't take it so hard. Appreciate yourself for what you do do... Be grateful for what you've accomplished... Focus on what you did wrong and chances are, that's what you'll get in your future. Focus on what you did right and... same thing, you'll get more of that in your future. So rather than focussing on beating yourself up, focus on appreciation and gratitude... and see what shows up.

This Year I Will... Getting into Action III

I don't have the time... It'll take too much time... There's never enough time... Uh-huh... Sound familiar. There's a saying by Lao Tzu that says "To say "I don't have time" is to say, "I don't want to"... So take a look and see where you say "not enough time"... and then see if the real thing is "I don't want to"... It's a great excuse for not getting around to the things that you say are important to you...

Sometimes though, we do get stuck and don't know what to do next... M.J. Ryan then recommends looking at the situation through someone else's eyes... So if you're having trouble getting organized, think of the most organized person you know and then ask yourself "what would they do right now"... And then go and do it... It may or not be what your organized person would do... but at least you're doing it... The trick is to get out of our own way and see it through a different lens... and then another option opens up for you... You have the solution within you... you just need to step out of your old habits and see something else...

The distance between an impulse (gotta have icecream!!) and action (getting icecream!) is half a second... That's not a lot of time to alter something! So, how can we increase the gap between impulse and action, so that we do have a choice and impulses don't rule our days? The trick is awareness... increasing our awareness of what we are doing... and what we would really like to do... You can even create that awareness in that half a second... It's like hitting the pause button on the TV... You can put reminders around the house, sticky notes that remind you that icecream is not the answer... You can get rid of the chocolate in the house... Get others to help you by being your awareness partners... All of it will help you develop a new habit...

So things maybe aren't going so well, and change isn't happening for you... Who do you blame? Yourself or others? Either way, you're making a lot of excuses for why it's not happening... Life is not perfect and you do get surprises and curve balls along the way. What's your back-up plan for those times? So the gym is closed today and you can't exercise... go to Plan B, riding your bike... but it's got a flat tire... so go to Plan C, going for a walk! There are always options...

Your brain can't tell the difference between you actually doing something and you imagining yourself doing the same thing... If you imagine scary things happening, for your brain, it's real and it's happening... If you imagine something great happening, same thing... it's real for your brain and it's happening for your brain... When you're doing this, you need to imagine seeing, hearing and feeling yourself in the situation... And it needs to be vivid imagination... in Technicolour... in all sensory modes...

This Year I Will... Getting into Action II

So, gujess what... you need to create SMART goals for yourself... Goals that are: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-Bound... For Specific, choose something you can pin down... "becoming a better person" is not specific... "express gratitude to others" is specific... For Measurable, you can't measure "more"... so drop the "more patience", "more gratitude" etc. Measure how often you express gratitude to others this week, for example...  For Achievable, you need to be realistic... Don't set yourself up for failure right off the bat by trying to lose 25 lbs this week... For Relevant, it has to matter to you... it has to be important to you... And for Time-Bound, set an "end" point, something in the future that you can aim for. Even if you plant on doing it for ever, an end point means it isn't as overwhelming, and you can always recommit at that point. Creating a Smart goal, means you have a sense of completion, which leads to satisfaction, which leads you to tackle something else, maybe a bit bigger...

Have you ever made a written contract with yourself? Maybe it's time to try it... To put something in writing about what you are up to... Putting it in writing is different than just saying it outloud... And it helps to get others involved too, because they can call you on your progress or lack thereof!

M.J. Ryan also recommends tracking your progress... How many days did you exercise this week as opposed to last week. What is your sense of patience today (-5 to +5)... what is it tomorrow? Next week? Next month? To just keep track of where we have been gives us a sense of moving forward. Because small changes do add up, but if we don't track them, we can get lost and not sense our progress...

Did you know you don't have to go it alone? Nope, you're allowed to get support for your endeavour! In fact, you're strongly encouraged to get support, in whatever shape or form required. We don't need to know it all... or go it alone. Take a look and see, whate sort of support would help you to move forward in whatever you are doing...

And it might feel awkward to start with. After all, you're trying to shift something that hasn't shifted for a while, if ever. It's OK to be a learner, OK to be awkward. M.J. Ryan talks about three zones in life: comfort, stretch and stress... We want to live in the stretch zone, where we're always stretching ourselves beyond where we've been... but not so much that we are stressed out! It's the best way to keep our brains healthy...

This Year I Will... Getting into Action I

Alright!! We are now moving into the action section... Enough talk about getting stuff done. It's time for the pedal to hit the metal... Or as J.R.R. Tolkien says "It's the job that's never started that takes the longest to finish"... Or as Nike says... "Just do it!"...

M.J. Ryan (remember, we are reading a book here), says the first thing to do is to focus... "focus people"!! I like it. Because I can get caught up in a to-do list that has 103 projects on it, and I get so overwhelmed by all of it that I end up doing nothing. She suggests focusing on one thing or one area, for a specific period of time. So, this could be The Week of Decluttering... And next month could be The Week of Patience... Or it could be The Year of Writing... Or whatever it is for you... But get clear on that first, instead of trying to do ix-number of things all at once...

Along those same lines, she recommends dividing things up and taking one small step... and then another small step. Rather than trying to write a book in a year, write a few lines each day... Rather than trying to lose 50 lbs all at once, start small and lose 1 lb... Or whatever it is... Introduce changes in small steps... Your brain will like it, because it won't see the small change as a threat, won't throw you into fear and won't send you screaming in the other direction...

Or if that doesn't work for you... for some people it might be better to tackle a huge challenge all at once. Especially if it's a life/death situation, or something equally serious. Where you need to make an about face right now! Maybe the small changes seem too small to you... Then try a big change...

But in all of that, it is for you to look and see what will work for you... We've all had successes in the past, so take a look and see... what worked for you there? What is your formula for success? Even if it was in a different area of your life from what you're looking at now... take a look and see what you can transfer from there to here...

A key piece of all of this is intention... to set your intention on what it is you are looking to do. Intention is not wanting, wishing or hoping... it is the intention to move forward and do it! She recommends using a ritual to engage your right brain as well... To state the intention and then practice the ritual... Whatever that might be for you... Without intention, we just drift around and nothing gets done... We go through life with shoulda/coulda/woulda instead of I can/I do/I am...