Wonder Women - Debora L. Spar - Part 3

Wonder Women - Debora L. Spar

2017 Reading Challenge - Day 76

  March 17, 2017 

Book 24 - Wonder Women - Sex, Power, and the Quest for Perfection
by Debora L. Spar (2013)
 Part 3 - pages 103-148
Reading Time - 60 minutes

Marriage... nowadays we don't need it. But women still want it? Why? I mean, it's still helpful to have a partner around the house to nurture the offspring but... lots of women do it on their own. Ya see, marriage was all about making sure that the male knew the kids were his, so that he could pass on his specialized skills (woodworking, shoe repair, castle management). Nowadays though, marriage is about very different things. Overall, it seems to be driven by love as opposed to kids, sex, lineage or inheritance. At least in Western society. The thing is... we expect a lot of marriage. The ideal of the perfect wedding, the perfect partner, the perfect life. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to reach those goals and judge ourselves if we fall short.

Same thing with kids. Women want babies... more than men do... in general. Cause men and women experience babies very differently. and that's just biology. In the past, being fertile was an important thing for a woman. Barren or childless women were scorned. It was all about being fruitful. Which is also why, until the 19th century, women bore the brunt of blame for infertility. Nowadays though, a lot of those issues have been fixed. Pregnancy can happen in all sorts of ways, circumventing the problems that stopped couples from conceiving in the past. Women can even choose the genetic characteristics of their offspring. But there too... we are putting a lot of emphasis on the perfect pregnancy and the prefect mothering. That's a lot of pressure on perfection. And nature is messy.

I have to say... I am not one of those women who wanted a baby desperately... or even luke-warmly. It's just not my thing. Even as I was reading this chapter, I was thinking... would I want a kid? Do I feel like I missed out on something? I never had that biological clock thing. I have a niece and that is good enough for me. Borrow-a-kid works well for me! But I get that women have a lot of pressure placed on them. At the same time, though, I can see that men too have pressures being placed on them. Being the perfect Dad and husband. Needing to help around the house while still working full time. Somewhere along the line, we've been sold impossible ideals that we can never meet... but that society... or the world... convinces us we need to aim for. Interesting...