People have told me for years that I am a leader, and a good one at that. And yet, I run from leadership like the hounds of hell are after me! I don't want to be a leader, don't want to step into those shoes. Don't want the responsibility. Don't want the crap that comes with it. Leadership is for silly people who want to have mud slung at them!! At least, that's my idea of leadership...
I have convinced myself that I am actually an exceptional assistant... and that's what I'm best at. Now, I am a great assistant, as many people have told me... the same people, by the way, who are telling me that I am a leader... When I look back over my life, I see many instances in which I jumped ship and bailed on opportunities that I felt were leading me in a direction in which I would need to take leadership... Don't get me wrong, I can lead in many areas... but an overal leadership position, something overarching, makes me squeamish. I'll take the lead on small projects, like the newsletter, or a website, or a bible study... but don't ask me to take overall leadership of something... Nope... too scary...
Now, the other thing I get is that I can't run from this forever... Because the more I run from it, the more it will chase me. Stop and face it would be the wise thing to do... To embrace it... Because it is a part of me. It's like me trying to deny a part of myself... trying to deny a piece of who I am... Doesn't work very well... Actually, doesn't work at all...
And yet we all do it. We run from things in our life... and in ourselves. We try to deny that they are there... and we actually create elaborate structures in our lives to prove that we are correct... e.g. "I am a great assistant"... Ah well... Awareness is the first step... and then choice...
1 comment:
Oh God this one I do not want to hear.
and i don't want to talk about it either. Damn. A powerful workshop yesterday. A deeply inspirational Church service today. And now this.My mother was from prairie stock. She saw a need. She just did it. she also was very emotional as am I..the flack caused her great pain. me too. Yesterday it was brought home to me: those of us who feel deep pain also love deeply. Knowing that I love deeply brings peace. And courage. My anger is strong. Strong enough to do the work.and laugh heartily at the 'storm'....Thanks. I think.
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