Opposable Mind

Well, we're moving into the next section of this book, in which the author says he can show us ways in which we can to begin thinking integratively... rather than conventionally! I have to admit, that when he is giving his examples from the business world, of business leaders who have faced either-or solutions, it seemed fairly clear to me the direction that they could go... combining something of each into something new... But that's because he presents the situation in fairly simple terms and in reality they are very complex situations... So there is more to it than this... In our own lives, we have very complex situations, and it isn't always easy to pick out the features that are important, nor to see the way forward.

In the next few chapters, he's going to go over our stance, tools and experience... and how the three relate together. What I get from the book overall is that conventional thinkers, think inside the box... And integrative thinkers, think outside the box... They think bigger, wider, broader, deeper than conventional thinkers. They aren't limited by the "wisdom" of the day... they look farther ahead than others... They see things that conventional thinkers can't see... because they aren't look for it! We only see what we look for... If we don't see something, and others do see it... it's because it's not part of our worldview... not something we deem to be important... not something that we are looking for. We might even just ignore it or sweep it under the rug. Integrative thinkers, see things that others might dismiss as unimportant....

Hate Crimes

There's been stuff in the news about hate crimes... Anti-gay attacks. Anti-Jew vandalism. Anti-Muslim threats. Anti-this. Anti-that... All of it is so sad... so much hate in the world and for what?? When we hate someone... we are really hating ourselves... We are expressing anger and fear towards that aspect of ourselves that we fear the most. We are uncertain and fearful and angry at the world... at our place in the world... at our lost opportunities... and we want to take that out on someone... So we choose some person, some individual, some group, some religion, some culture to hate...
We might as well call them fear crimes... or anger crimes... Something about whatever it is, makes us feel uncomfortable, and we don't like to feel discomfort... so better to avoid that thing... or better yet, eradicate it from our existence completely. The thing is... if everyone got rid of everything in the world that they hated.... we'd have no people left in the world... Hate is the ultimate in self-destruction...

Screen Time

So, there was a study a few weeks ago that should come as no surprise... Children who spend more than 2 hours a day in front of the screen (i.e. TV or computer) are more likely to experience psychological difficulties. (http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2010/10/11/screen-kids-psychological-problems.html ). Does that surprise you?? Nope, doesn't surprise me either! So, they are now suggesting that we should limit the amount of time children spend in front of screens... Hard to do when kids are working more and more on the computer at school nowadays... And 2 hours/day seems kind of low!!! Given how much time we can end up spending in front of the computer and/or the TV...

Which makes me wonder... if TV and computer are having that sort of an effect on children... what sort of an effect is it having on adults? What sort of effect is it having on us? Because, let's face it, a lot of us do spend the whole day in front of a computer screen and then we come home and spend more time in front of the TV or the computer... All that screen-time must be having an impact on us as well... We just don't know what it is... We might even think it has no effect on us... but it probably does... we are just oblivious to it...

Opposable Mind

It never ceases to amaze how connections between RTS and the world show up! So I'm reading this book, Opposable Mind, and he makes the distinction between reality and what we think about reality, or the model of the world that we create. That is the distinction between what happened (Event) and what we said about what happened (Story). And it is there, that we see the key feature of integrative thinkers. They can distinguish between Event and Story. They can distinguish between reality and models that purport to reflect reality.

Integrative thinkers can then get out of the idea that their vision of reality (story) is the right one and area able to consider other points from other models, from other stories... to create something completely different... cool!!!

We are often faced with two opposing options, choices, models of reality... but to understand that they are not reality.... they are just models that explain reality... but not reality! And so, we can hold up the models, with no attachment to any of them, look at them, and come up with something new... something creative... something different...

Opposable Mind

So Conventional Thinkers vs. Integrative Thinkers. Well, some of the basic differences are this: conventional thinkers simplify things to the bare bones, like to look at the short term relationships, keep things narrowly focused, deal with one thing at a time and prefer to accept the world as it is. Integrative thinkers juggle a bunch of factors in the air, even if it is complicated, they look at how everything fits together, keep an open mind, look at wide-reaching relationships and welcome the challenge of shaping the world for the better. Integrative thinking will make your head hurt as you keep everything in play at once. Conventional thinking will keep the status quo going...

Overall, I would say conventional thinkers are looking to the past, to the way things have been done in the past. Integrative thinkers are looking to the future, at creating new possibilities that have never been imagined...

Kijiji

In the decluttering quest... I've also had to tackle a few larger items. A couple of spare bed frames that I've been hauling around with me for a few years... some bush gear... some excess camping gear... etc. For a few years now, I've been thinking I should post them on Craigslist or Kijiji... but it always seemed too challenging to do that... Well, I finally got around to it the other week and am pleased to report that within a few days I had sold a bed frame ($80) and a sleeping bag ($20)... with people interested in a few other items... There, that wasn't so hard!!!

No, it wasn't hard... but I made it hard!!! I had a huge story in my head about what it would involve and how time-consuming it was going to be... and people wouldn't want the stuff anyways, so why bother, etc. etc. etc.... Blah-blah-blah-blah!!!! It really is a learning for me to get that... what I think about something isn't necessarily the truth!!! It's just what I think about something... But I can make that something into something quite huge and quite daunting... and I did that all by myself!!! I'm great at turning mole-hills into mountains... When really, all they are is a mole-hill... And even if they are a mountain, they way to conquer any mountain is one step at a time... one step after one step after one step... and before you know it, the mountain is done...

Keeping the Weight Off

So... it's early February... post Christmas... middle of winter... and some of us might be putting on our winter/hibernation pounds... There was a thing on the news the other week that gave some assistance on keeping weight off... Eat foods with a lot glycemic index... avoid foods with a high glycemicc index... The low glycemic foods raise your blood sugar level slowly, making you feel full longer... The high glycemic foods do the reverse, give you a quick blood sugar boost, but dwindle rapidly, making you feel hungry sooner... Researchers even say, that if you avoid high glycemic foods, eat lean meat and beans, you can eat as much as you want without gaining weight... Hmmm....

So the list is as follows...

Foods with a low glycemic index:

wholegrain breads with many kernels
wholegrain pasta
whole oats (not instant or ground oats)
brown rice
apples, pears, oranges, raspberries and strawberries.
nearly all vegetables, with the exception of corn. Most vegetables should preferably be eaten raw
boiled new potatoes
beans and legumes

So, whole grains, legumes, fruits and vegetables... but only specific fruit... An apple a day keeps the doctor (and the weight) away!

Foods with a high glycemic index:
white bread and buns
white rice
most refined cereals and crackers
bananas (especially overripe bananas), grapes, kiwi, pineapple and melon
mashed potatoes and baked potatoes
sugary foods such as donuts

Yup, avoid processed grains and sugar... interesting about grapes, kiwi, pineapples and bananas. Although, I had heard somewhere that bananas have way too much sugar... But you can eat as many apples as you want....

Dreaded Box

I moved over 2 years ago, and I still have one box that I haven't unpacked... Yes, it's true!! So much for the organized me! Well... to be honest, it's a box of nic-nacs... And as my nic-nac shelf is already full, and I bequeathed my other nic-nac shelf to my sister, I'm kind of short on nic-nac space... But, this weekend, I'm thinking it's time to tackle the dreaded nic-nac box... I am now clear that I am not necessarily attached to the nic-nac itself, but to my story about the nic-nac. If I can let go of that story... then I'll be able to let go of the nic-nac... Pretty clear, yes??

Well, one story that I have to let go of is this... that my niece is going to want this nic-nac when she is an adult!! "I'll just keep this, because my niece might want it when she's older"... Uh-huh.... Picture this poor kid inheriting my nic-nacs, my sister's nic-nacs and my mothers's nic-nacs!!! UGH!!! What a horrible thing to do to a kid... young adult!!! My Dad has the right idea. He's been methodically going through his things and ditching the stuff that he's been hauling around for the last 20 years... It's time to let it go... He's a good role-model for me in that way...

How long do I want to continue to haul these things around with me?? How long do I want to keep believing that these things might be valuable some day? Or that my niece is going to want them someday? Or that if I throw away the thing, I'm throwing away the memory? Good question... I have a dog collar from our dog Toby, who passed on in 1981... Let's see, that's 30 years ago!!! Oh my God... Put it that way, and it's kind of crazy... But I know that we all do these things...

Somehow we think that in holding onto the things, we are holding onto our memories of the person or the event or the pet... Not really though... The memories live within us... It's time to let go of the things...

Fungible

Fungi-what???? Exactly what I though!! I'm reading this book and they used this word... fungible... And I had to look it up. Did it have something to do with fungi??? Mushrooms??? No, not at all... the word is used mostly in business and finance and means interchangeable. As in, things that are of equal value, are fungible. Go figure... I don't think I'll be using that word any time soon... but it definitely expanded my vocabulary a little bit! If I did try to use that word, unless I was speaking with my financial planner, I think all I would get would be blank looks!

Fungible... Those two things are fungible... Eh, it doesn't even really sound nice... nor roll off the tongue all that well... But it also makes me realize that there are a lot of words out there that I have no clue about! Specialized words from various professions that I never encounter... and never really need to use... Which makes me realize that there are a lot of things out there in this great world of ours, that I have no clue about. But the interesting thing too is this... I'm pretty sure I've never come across "fungible" before... But what do you want to bet that in the next little while, I'll come across that word at least 2 or 3 more times...

Have you ever noticed that's the way the world works sometimes. You will encounter something new, something you've never seen or heard before (you're pretty sure)... and then in the next little while, it will show up multiple times... Interesting don't you think....

Colours

OK, so have you ever looked outside at a parking lot? Take a look... Right now, I can see 15 cars from my vantage point. Two of them are a muted red/burgundy/wine colour. One is bright yellow. The rest of silver, grey, beige or black. Why are car colours so boring? Whatever happened to bright red? Why aren't there more exciting colours than forest green? What about bright purple or even dark purple? I don't think I've ever seen an orange car... I can see the roofs of many more cars and other than adding white to my list... that's pretty much it... How sad...

I've looked on the internet, and everybody else has the same question... why so many boring car colours? Some say it's the downturn in the economy. Some say it's just the conservative nature of the auto industry. Ergh...

Maybe it's a safety feature? Maybe if there were too many bright coloured cars on the road we would be distracted and have more accidents? Maybe bright colours don't stick to the metal very well? I don't know... and apparently others don't either! But it would be nice to create a rainbow of car colours out there... spruce up our city streets!

Procrastination

I've been mulling over the whole thing of procrastination and... well... I think a lot of it comes down to fear. Yup, that nasty little critter again... When I look through the procrastination, to the pushing things ahead, to avoiding phone calls, to postponing whatever it is... at the root of it all is fear. Fear that I'll sound stupid. Fear that I won't get it done right. Fear that I don't have enough information. Fear that I'll fail. Fear that...

Yeah, well... you get the picture. Funny, how it keeps showing up... The more I look for it, the more I see fear at the root of a lot of things that keep me stuck. And procrastination is a big one!! It's huge... I mean, I have a lot of things to do, you know... and I can't get them all done in one day, so it's natural to postpone things to another day... to push things forward... Yeah, right!!! There is some truth in that, but for me, it's always to look at what it is that is moving me to push things forward. Is it fear? Is it just plain common sense? If it's fear... I need to tackle that head-on. Even if I can't get everything done in the one day, I can make a start. I can work on something for 15 minutes... move it forward just that tiny bit... and then a tiny bit again. Once something is moving, it's a lot easier to keep it moving... doesn't take as much effort...

What lies at the root of your procrastination?? Or maybe you don't procrastinate??

Opposable Mind

Yup, another book, this one called The Opposable Mind by Roger Martin. He says that success in business (and other areas) can be traced (most of the time) back to integrative thinking, or what he calls "the opposable mind". The ability to hold two opposing ideas in tension and rather than to go into an either/or solution... to have both/and. To come up with a solution that incorporates both aspects but in a way that is new and novel. Something different...

I thought the title was kind of cool... and the idea of integrative thinking is needed more today than ever. We are so often stuck in an either/or world... in a world of black and white... We don't even look for other solutions anymore. We just go with A or Z and don't see anything in between... It comes out in the right/wrong approach as well. The idea that one choice is right and the other is wrong. That one person's idea is right and the other person's idea is wrong. But what if both choices are really not all that good... and we feel stuck between a rock and a hard place... In that instance, integrative thinking can get us out between the hard spaces and into something else... that we couldn't even dream of before.

The author says integrative thinking can be learned... can be taught... although in today's schools we are doing a fearsomely poor job of teaching our children to think...

What if...

Do you live with a lot of "what ifs"?? What if this happens. What if that happens. What if that doesn't happen. What if this doesn't happen. They are deadly!!! These little what ifs!! I find that they can stop me in my tracks faster than anything. "What if they don't like my book?"... Well, if I really believe that and get stuck with it... I'll never be sending that book out!! The fear of some nebulous thing in the future, that hasn't even occurred... and might never occur... keeps me stuck and keeps me from moving forward.

Yucky!! Of course, "what ifs" could also be used to inspire me to move forward. "What if they love my book!"... Mind you... there's still an "if" in that statement... which means it could go either way... and there is still some uncertainty in there... So maybe even these "what if" statements aren't all that empowering... They still leave room for doubt and indecision....

There is always a possibility out there... of something else... of something amazing... of something I can't even dream of. But I'll never know it if I languish in "what ifs"... The deadly doldrums of "what ifs".... "What if I'm wrong." Imagine if Darwin or Galielo or Copernicus or Jesus had let that stop them... "What if my paintings are all slop." Imagine if Picasso or Monet or Rembrandt had let that stop them... "What if my music is just empty noise." Imagine if Mozart or Beethoven or Tchaikovsky had let that stop them....

End Procrastination Now - Book

I've been procrastinating on reading End Procrastination Now!!! Ugh... It is not a book I would recommend. Not all that readable, and very full of psycho-babble... Every once in a while I get a glimmer of something useful, but on the whole... leave it on the shelf! The premise was good... that we procrastinate because of what we think, what we feel and what we do (or don't do). But beyond that, he took it in a direction that didn't work for me... although it might work for others.

But now, it's done... which is good... And I am clear that one of the main reasons I procrastinate is because I see the job or thing as being uncomfortable for me. It calls me to stretch in some area... where I'm not really sure I want to stretch or can stretch!!

The other thing I've noticed is that I'll put something on my to-do list... let's say, promoting my book by mailing it out to various places. I put that down "promote book", and what I see in there is the things that are going to stretch me... and I get stuck right there. What I've been doing though, is breaking the task up into little pieces... tiny little pieces and those things, I can do... Like put ISBN numbers in the books. Like looking up addresses of place. Like buying padded enveloped. Like designing a promotion cover letter. Like putting books in envelopes. Like putting letters in envelopes. Like taking it all to the post office. And before you know it... it's done!

All it takes is one little movement in the right direction... and then another little movement... and before you know it... the mountain is climbed... one step at a time...

A New Blog Adventure

If you check My Blog List along the sidebar, you'll see a new blog... "Fitness in my Forties"... Yup, that's me... I'm about to embark on the adventure called "having a personal trainer"... Winter has come with a vengeance... My bike is tucked away and doesn't have snow tires and... I do not want to come out of this winter with yet more "winter fat"!!

I think the first posting was yesterday, but you can catch up pretty quick...

Goodness Still Exists 2

Another good news story... this one from about a month ago... On the evening of October 5, a group of little girls were playing outside in Fresno California. A man in an old pickup truck drove up, spoke to them in Spanish and told them if they got in his truck he would take them to the dollar store to buy some candy. One 8 year old girl approached the man while the others walked away. Bystanders yelled at the girl to get away, but the man grabbed her into his truck and drove up. The mother, who wasn't far away, ran after the truck but couldn't catch it.

The police were called, and it was all over the news. In the early morning of October 6, a man named Victor Perez was standing outside, talking with his cousin about the abduction, which he had seen on the news the night before. A truck drove by... it matched the description of the suspect's truck... and Victor jumped into his truck and gave chase. He tried several times to block the pickup truck, but the man would not stop... Finally, Victor managed to get the truck to stop and the girl left the truck. Victor stayed with the girl, calling to bystanders for a blanket... Having gotten a partial license plate number, Victor gave that to the police, who caught the suspect a short while later.

Is Victor a hero? Undoubtedly. He paid attention and stepped into action when he say an opportunity. He probably saved this little girl's life. A lesson to all of us to be vigilant... to pay attention... and to act...

Segregation

This is a little tidbit from the US... Did you know that the most segregated "hour" in America is on Sunday morning when people are in Church? Blacks, whites, hispanics do not mix in their Sunday worship, on the whole. That's not to say that there is racism happening just that people like to hang out with people who look like them...

There's something in there that just strikes me as being a bit off... I get that people like to hang out with people who look like them... but... why in Church? In work, people mix together... they have to... But in church, where we can choose where we go... we like to stay separate. Isn't there something in there that just smacks a bit of... something... I am reminded of St. Paul and his letter to the Galatians, which I will paraphrase as... "in Christ there is no white or black, there is no hispanic or chinese, there is no filipino or indian... all are one in Christ"... And yet in churches in America, the very opposite is being seen.

What would it be like if we did mix in our worshipping communities... if all worshipping communities could draw on the wisdom of hispanic and black and white and chinese and filipino and indian? What might that look like?

Here in Canada, we see it more with segregated language communities. There's the Polish church and the Serbian and the Hungarian and the Korean and the German and the French and the... We're all white... and yet we still separate ourselves from each other...

Choose

Interesting... having looked up "decide" yesterday, I thought I would look up "choose" today... And it's roots go back to German and Gothic languages, and eventually, remotely to Latin... But the Germanic root basically means "to taste".

Which has a different flavour than "decide" and it's meaning of "to fall". In tasting, we can taste here and we can taste there. But when we taste something, it's like it becomes part of us. And similarly to the meaning of decide, we can't undo a tasting... much as we might like to! Once you've tasted a hot pepper... well... you're in it for the full tasting!! You can't undo a taste... A taste means you are committed to experiencing the full taste of something... You can savour it... or you can plough through it! But you can't avoid it.

So, in choosing something, we are committed to it as well... As we choose something, as we taste it, we are committed to the full experience of it. We can't undo the taste... You have to let the taste or the choice run it's full course before you can move on to something else...

Decide

We all know the word "decide". To choose something... to make a decision... to go this way or that way. The word decide comes from the Latin decidere which literally means "to fall". Which makes total sense to me!

Making a decision is like falling... it is leaping off of the cliff into the unknown. It is falling off into space and sometimes not knowing what's going to happen but at least a decision has been made. And, as with falling, there is often no going back with a decision! Once you've decided to jump out of the plane with your parachute... you can't undo that decision! You're committed to following it through...

Once a decision is made... it is made... To look back and regret what might have been is futile. But sometimes we try to go back on our decisions. We try to undo the past. And it can't be undone. Falling is pretty much a one-way street. We can't "unfall". We can't fall upwards and do it over again.

Mind you... we don't need to make decisions either. We can put it off and dither and justify and explain and come up with all sorts of excuses for why we don't want to fall... jump into whatever it is that is in front of us. Procrastination comes in all sorts of forms... I procrastinate by doing the laundry and cleaning the house and tidying up my desk and writing letters to people... I'm dithering on the edge of the cliff and not leaping out into the unknown... not soaring on the winds of transformation...

The Future is Now...

So, you remember in Star Trek, those communicators that they had... little flippie things... Kind of funny how we have little flippie cell phones nowadays...

In one of the Star Trek movies, #4 I think... they went back in time to today's San Francisco to bring some humpback whales back to the future. They needed a huge holding tank and traded the formula for transparent aluminum for some thick acrylic sheets. Transparent aluminum is... well... aluminum that is transparent. Strong and clear... used for all sorts of things...

Well, just a few weeks ago, two Russian scientists received the Noble Prize for making sheets of graphene... using scotch tape of all things... Graphene is sheets of carbon atoms that are one atom thick. Graphene is super light, pretty much transparent and 100 times stronger than steel. Imagine the possibilties?? Computer screens. Satellites. Airplanes. Cars. All sorts of applications... And it conducts electricity supergood... Watch and see if films of graphene aren't going to take computers to the next level... And who knows... maybe it won't be transparent aluminum... it will be transparent carbon....

Mortgages

Back in the olden days... I seem to remember that you needed to have a certain % downpayment to buy a house... Nowadays, you can buy a house with a tiny 5% downpayment. Mind you, you'll also need to pay insurance with the Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation... If you have at least a 20% downpayment, no insurance required... Which makes sense to me...

There was an article in the news a few weeks ago. This couple had bought a house about 3 years ago (I'm guessing)... valued at $300,000. They now have to renew their mortage for $288,000... but their house is only worth $240,000 in today's market. The bought at the peak and now... 3 years later they are stuck...  They need to come up with $48,000 or they could lose their house... And I'm thinking... in the next year or two, there are going to be a lot more of those house mortgages coming up for renewal... houses that were bought at the peak of the market and houses that are now worth a lot less. Which is not a big deal if you bought it with a large downpayment (20%) and can weather the ups and downs of the market. But if you used a small downpayment, and your house's value has sunk more than 5% or 10%... well... there are going to be a lot of stressed people...

Goodness Still Exists

So, I am sitting in Starbucks this morning, in Chapters... and it's pretty empty yet... being just shortly after 9 am... And this lady comes by and I can hear her talking to an older gentleman off by the comfy chairs in the other corner. At first I think they know each other, but then he stands up and I get that the woman doesn't know him, but is desperately searching for her cell phone in the chair cushions. She had left it here yesterday and nobody turned it in at the counter and she is hoping beyond hope is has slid down the side of the cushions. But no such luck.

The man asks if she's tried calling it... she has, but nothing. Has anyone tried phoning her on it? No. It is locked, so no one could use it... She is feeling sick and disconsolate. And then out of the corner of my eye, I see a Chapters woman approaching her with her hands behind her back... She asks her if she's the woman who lost her cell phone... and when the woman says "yes"... the lady sweeps her hands out from behind her back, cradling a bright red cell phone! The relief on the woman's face is immediate and palpable. The cell phone was in the Chapters office... Someone had turned it in!!!

The Chapters lady knows the feeling because she once left her phone in an outhouse in a park!! But then it turned out someone turned it in to the RCMP in a neighbouring community and all was well...

I know someone who left her cell phone on a park bench here in Calgary and then was able to phone the cell phone and pick it up from the kind gentleman who had found it...

There are good samaritans out there!! We are them...

A Commencement Address?

This came out as a song a few years back... It sounds like a commencement address... but it's not. It has been attributed to Kurt Vonnegut... but it's not him... It was actually a journalist from Chicago, Mary Schmich, who wrote it for her column in the Chicago Tribune on June 1, 1997... It is good...

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future.
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy.
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance - even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions., even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,
but with a precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old.
And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Dance/Love/Sing/Live

There is a saying...

Dance like nobody's watching;
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening;
Live like it's heaven on earth.

It's all over posters and pictures and journal covers... But the interesting thing is that people aren't quite sure who coined the phrase. Some attribute it to Mark Twain, although it is very un-Twainish. Others attribute it to William Purkey, but even his original words have been tweaked a bit into this version. It's interesting how things can get out there on the internet and then metamorphose into something else... and then it spreads out into the world and we all see it and even quote it... but have not idea where it started...

Some people treat the quote as kind of "ick"... saying it looks like something created for a church bulletin or Reader's Digest. But... I'm thinking wisdom can come to us in many guises and we can ignore the wisdom if we don't like the messenger...

So, what would it be like to dance as if nobody was watching, to love as if you've never been hurt, to sing as if nobody's listening... to live as if it is heaven on earth.... In my mind, that would require us to live with complete and utter wholeheartedness... to let go of the past and of all of our fears and to leap out into the unknown with passion and hope and excitement and adventure...

Or we could...

Not dance, cause everybody's watching,
Not love, because we've been hurt too many times,
Not sing, because everyone's listening,
Not live, because life's going to heck in a hand basket...

our choice...

Email Confusion

I was looking at a book in Chapters the other day called "Send: Why People Email So Badly and How to Do It Better" by David Shipley. And I thought... we all need to read this book!! I sent out a question this morning asking if a conference call for tomorrow could be rescheduled to next week. One person responded that that would work better for her as well. One guy responded "OK, thanks"... What does that mean? I asked a question!!! "OK, thanks" is not a response to a question. Plus, it was sent from a Blackberry, which we all know means that people are using an itsy-bitsy thumb-sized keyboard... so they tend to send the shortest messages possible. But now, I'm left wondering... does the think that I actually changed the time of the meeting? Does that means... what?

Email is for information... not conversation... And if we're going to use email for information, we need to be exquisitely clear in what we mean and what we say. Off the cuff comments do not move things forward... I'm thinking that I'll be reading this book by David Shipley some time soon... That is, if the Calgary Public Library has it in stock! Given its timeliness in today's society... it might be a good read for all of us! More later...

Projects... projects... projects...

I'm one of those poeples who like to have multiple projects on the go at any one time. And that's outside of work projects! I have family history projects on the go (multiple ones), photography projects, reading projects, etc... The thing I struggle with is this... I might get a bit bored with one project or am not clear on a way forward, so I will start another project... and another project... Until I have dozens of projects on the go... All started, by none completed... And that is a lot of weight to carry around from one year to another!!

I am slowly beginning to realize that I need to complete some projects to create some space for others! It's like being in a space, that is so tightly crammed with stuff, that you can't see things, and can't work on anything. First, handle one thing, create some space and then I'll have space to complete something else... and then something else... and then something else... And maybe then I can bring something new into the space!! I suppose it's a variation of greed... or something... gluttony maybe... Always adding something new when I haven't even completed the old yet... Always looking for the thrill of excitement in the new thing... when I would get an even bigger thrill if I would just complete some of the old projects!!! What a thought...

In Box

My to-do list is an ongoing work in progress... It seems that as much as I tick off my list, more gets added... or I remember more things that have been weighing on my conscience for a while! I know that my in box will never be empty... and that my to-do list will always have items on it... So, I'm never going to get to the point, where I can look at an empty page or an empty "in box" and think... "ah there... all done!"... And that's probably a good thing! Mind you, with many things on my to-do list, I find that they are fairly flexible. They don't mind being moved hither and yon... They can be shifted for days, weeks, months and sometimes even years. They are pretty patient with me...

Mind you... I'm not too patient with myself!!! I see these things and they niggle away at me... they sit there all patient and I know I need to get to them at some point... but that point always seems to be receding away ahead of me as fast as I move forward! There's always something new appearing in front of me that is "more important" or more time conscious...

And then, there are those moments where I do get some big project done and completed... and there is a feeling of immense satisfaction... and then I turn my attention to the next thing of the day... or the next big project...

Money solves Everything?

There was a story on the news a while ago... A young man (17 years old) was killed in a horrible car accident. After the autopsy, his family held his funeral and buried him. Several months later, a school group was going on a field trip to the mortuary and they saw a brain preserved in a jar, with the name of the young man on the label. They knew this young man and knew his family, and were quite upset. As were the family when they learned of it. They hadn't given permission for his brain to be kept. The pathologist says that they often hold organs for extended analysis afterwards. The family asked for the brain back and then held a second funeral to inter those remains. Plus, they are suing the city and the pathologist.

So, it's obvious that this family has been through a lot. They have experienced a lot of emotional heartache and the brain thing contributed to that. My question is... does the money received through litigation take the pain away? Make the experience go away? Wipe away their memories of the event? Bring back the young man. The answer, sad to say, is no... Money does none of that. Money can't help them to let go of anything... Even if the money paid for counselling and therapy, there is no guarantee that the family would be able to let go of anything.

Money solves nothing. But we have it in our heads that money will make us happy. Money can actually make us desperately unhappy. We think that money will take away all of our worries. Money can actually increase our worries. Oprah was interviewing J.K. Rowling a while ago (she of Harry Potter fame) and asked Rowling if, given that she is now richer than the Queen... she still worries about money. The answer is... yes... she still does. Money hasn't taken away her worries...

We place far too much emphasis on money... on what it can do for us... when we are the only ones who can do anything... or be anything... It is always our choice... You can be happy when you are poor. You can be desperately unhappy when you are rich. The difference lies within you...

What's the Point?

OK, so have you ever watched people in Starbucks or Tim Horton's or wherever?? It's interesting how many people come in as a pair and then sit on opposite sides of the table, sipping their drinks while they both work on their Blackberriese or iPhones or whatever... It's just interesting to see... We are sitting across from someone while we are connecting with other people electronically... Just kind of interesting...

The Opposable Mind

Alright, a new book... this one I saw somewhere... Chapters? SK airport? Anyhow, another library book... The subtitle says "How successfuly leaders win through integrative thinking"... The idea that great leaders can hold two opposing ideas in their minds at once and reach a synthesis that contains elements of both, but improves on each... Think of the pros vs. cons that we normally work with... We look at all the angles and then elminate one option and go with one option. It's very much a win-lose situation. We get into an either-or mentality. This book seems to favour a win-win scenario.... one of both/and... The trick is to find creative solutions to seemingly impossible situations...

I'm looking forward to this book... We'll see how it goes... And yes, still working on "End Procrastination Now"... sigh, it's a thicket to read through... not all that readable... some good ideas though....

Reading Books

OK, I've been pretty busy the last few years and I've developed this idea in my head that I don't have time to read books... Not like I used to! I used to be able to sit down on a Saturday or an evening and just read straight through for 4 or 5 hours and finish a book in that time... But I don't have those chunks of time anymore... or if I do, they are full of other things... So, when to read a book??? Sigh... no time... Well... that's obviously a load of crap!!

I've been reading a lot of books in the last few months... a chapter or two at a time... in 15 minutes or 1/2 hour chunks... They do add up after a while... And I don't notice the lack of time, not really... I have the time... I just have to get my mind around the idea that I can read a book in pieces... I don't need to read it cover to cover in one fell-swoop, all at once...

With that shift in perception, I'm doing pretty good with the book-reading thing... and am finding that it's getting hard to keep track of what I've been reading... So many new ideas... so many great ideas... Plus, it's amazing how much you can read at the airport before a trip... or on the plane... all of these opportunities to find a few minutes to read... Great opportunities... I just have to look and see them...

Happiness at Work

If there's one book you read in the next little while, let it be "Happiness at Work" by Srikumar Rao. It is an excellent book! Exceedingly readable and it resonated with me on so many levels. The idea that we create our reality... that we see the things we look for... we experience things through our filter of life... Shifting out of a me-centred world into an other-centred world. Because, guess what... the world does not revolve around you. The things that happen in this world don't all have to do with you. People aren't always talking about you... People aren't always thinking about you... It doesn't have to do with you...

We are called into an other-centred world in which we look for opportunities to be of service to others. That is our true vocation in life... to be of service in some way, shape or form... And that's going to look different for each and everyone of us... So, instead of asking "what's in it for me... what can I get out of this"... look and see... what can I do for others... what can I bring to the situation... what can I bring to others... Without looking for thanks, adulation, praise, recognition or reward...