The Coaching Habit - Michael Bungay Stanier - Part 2

The Coaching Habit -
Michael Bungay Stanier

2017 Reading Challenge - Day 137

  May 17, 2017 

Book 39 - The Coaching Habit -
Say Less, Ask More and Change the Way You Lead Forever
Michael Bungay Stanier (2016)
 Part 2 - pages 49-104
Reading Time - 1 hour

Alright... we get Questions 2 and 3 in this section. The first three questions that open up the coaching for development work together really well.

Question 2 is the AWE question... "And What Else". So when the person has finished telling you What's on Their Mind... you ask... And What Else... so that every comes out onto the table. Most of the time, we work with binary solutions - this or that... but by asking the AWE question, we can actually find more solutions. The AWE question also tames the Advice Monster in each of us that, once it hears What's on somebody's mind, wants to jump in there and fix things. We don't have the answer... but we think we do! You have to stay curious when you ask this question, and that seems to be a common theme... stay curious... and stay genuine! Apparently, most people do not ask the AWE questions often enough... the author suggests 3-5 times. And if you end up with 4 options/solutions... that's a good number.

Question 3 is the Focus Question. When someone first tells us what is on their mind... we can think that that is the actual/real problem. But it's usually not. We do want to fix it though but we can end up wasting our time fixing the wrong problem. First problem is not always Real problem... So... ask - What's the Real Challenge here for You? It gets them to cut to the chase because sometimes, when you've asked what's on their mind, you get a huge pile of problems. Sooo... by asking What's the Real Challenge here for You?, you get them to identify it. The author says that just adding "for you" to the end of other questions can also work wonders.

There are also some Question tidbits in here... If you know what question to ask... get to the point and ask it. Stop doing the opening chit-chat. Just get to it. A good opening line is "Out of curiosity....".

Another tidbit... don't disguise ideas as questions... we can be bad at this. "Have you thought about...?" "What about....?" These "questions" are just advice with a question mark attached. Stop it.

Another tidbit... stick to questions starting with "What" rather than "Why". A why question can very easily end up sounding like "What the heck were you thinking!!?" Better to ask... "What were you hoping for here? What made you choose this course of action?" "What's important for you here?". These tend to keep the conversation open and flowing rather than sending someone into their defensive little hole because they feel like they are in trouble.