This Year I Will... Preparing to Change III

Getting stuck in the whys is an exercise in futility!!! So stop asking "why" things are they way they are... or why you are the way you are... and do something different... do something!! Otherwise you'll be in paralysis by analysis... Shift from "why" thinking to "what could be possible"... Shift from why to what... What could you do today to make a shift or do something different...

Look back over your life at your past successes... and we all have them... Out of this comes self-confidence and out of this comes... belief that you can do whatever it is you set your mind to!

Maybe you've tried this before... and failed... Tried to lose weight before and then packed it on again. Tried to eat right and ended up binging on junk food. How will this time be any different than all those other times... But guess what, this time isn't like all those other times. You have a wealth of knowledge and experience to draw on... Don't let your brain get sucked into the rut of thinking "just like before"... Failure is just an opportunity for learning and growth... not the end of the world...

And... although this may seem self-evident... You can't change just be reading about it... you need to actually go out and do it! Here's a joke: "There are five frogs on a log. One decides to jump off. How many are left? Five--because deciding isn't doing." The brain learns by experiences... not by talking or discussing or reading or watching... by doing... So get out and "do" something! Stop thinking about doing... and just do...

This Year I Will... Preparing to Change II

So... rather than running from something "negative"... get clear on what is "positive" about where you want to be or what you want to do... Don't exercise to "lose weight"... exercise to "feel good and have my clothes fit better"... If we focus on the negative, our brains actually focus on that more and more and it sabotages us...

Here's a new one... Put out what you want to the universe... tell the truth about where you are and get into action! The gap between what you want and where you are is a good thing... It creates the potential for the universe to fill that gap... You just have to be clear on what you want and start doing something... anything... And don't limit yourself by what you think is possible... or whether or not you believe it will happen... That's a roadmap for failure...

And guess what.... there's never going to be a "perfect time" to get cracking... No matter what is going on in your life, you can start now... Otherwise we can procrastinate ourselves to our deathbed and still not have started our exercise program or whatever it is... Think of obstacles as "do you really mean it" tests... and then move through them!

Imagination is a powerful force... Imagine all the things that could go wrong, and odds are, they will go wrong! Imagine all the things that could go right, and odds are, they will go right! Your choice...

This Year I will... Preparing to Change I

Right, so the first step is making sure that what you say you want is what you really, really want... Otherwise, it's a waste of your time. And maybe it's as simple as phrasing it in a way that really makes you want it. So, instead of "I want to lose 10 pounds by... ", it might be "I want to be fit and healthy"... Whatever it is for you...

Second... what need is your current state addressing... So, if it's eating too much... what is that about? Is it about stress or insecurity? You need to get clear on that first...

If you've ever found yourself thinking you should do one thing, and doing the exact opposite, you're not alone. That's because each of us has three brains in our head.... reptilian, mammalian and human... Our thiking (human) brain decides we need to change, but the other two aren't on board because they don't think it's safe or it won't be pleasurable... (Wheezing up a hill in 1st gear is definitely low on the pleasure scale!) So, get your feelings on your side... "It will be great to be slimmer and trimmer" rather than "I should go to the gym"... If the change is too scary, too hard or no fun... your mammalian brain is going to sabotage things for you... So, you are looking for easy, new, fun and different! So, I'll take my camera on my bike ride because I enjoy taking photographs... Or I will stop at Starbucks along the way and blog... or I'll try a different route... So, what could be new, fun, different about whatever it is you're planning... get creative and playful with it!

And just so you know, ambivalence is normal, that little piece of you that wants things to stay the way they are. It's a hump to get over, to shift into something different. But you don't have to be 100% committed to something, 51% will get you started... Ambivalence will be strongest at the beginning and will taper off as you start to see progress... That's the good news!

Another question to ask yourself is "What's the price of not changing"... You get to the point, where you recognize that the price of not changing is way too high... Like, what's the price of not flossing before bed? For me... $$$ in implants!! Talk about incentive to floss... from one day to the next, I was a dedicated flosser... Go figure... So, what's your price for not changing? Heart attack, another 50 lbs, regret over the song not sung or the book not written, dying alone?

This Year I Will... Practically Speaking

So... I want to get fit... yup... too much extra padding and too much lung wheezing going up stairs! So... I'm going to ride my bike... And guess what shows up... yup, the pitfalls...

1. Being vague about what you want - I want to get fit but... what does that mean??

2. Not making a serious committment - well, I'm sort of committed to riding my bike, except when other things get in the way... and maybe I'm not too badly out of shape... I can afford to wait a bit??

3. Procrastinating and Excuse Making - I'm too tired... it's too hot out... it's too windy out... I don't have enough time... I need to think about it...

4. Being unwilling to go through the awkward phase - I feel like a blob out there!! I wheeze up the hills and my legs feel like jello and I'm not making progress and I never used to be this bad before and... shit!

5. Not setting up a tracking and reminder system - I biked yesterday, no, was it the day before yesterday? I'll bike later today... or maybe this evening... or maybe tomorrow...

6. Expecting perfection, falling into guilt, shame, regret - I should be able to do this effortlessly by now!!! I shouldn't have let myself slip this far... I should have hiked more in Europe... I should have done weights more in the winter... I should have... could have... would have...

7. Trying to go it alone - well... no one will bike with me that's true... but... I do have a good amount of self-discipline but still... it would be easier with a biking buddy...

8. Telling yourself self-limiting rut stories - I've done this before and it didn't make a difference... maybe this is just a fact of life, of aging and getting out of shape??

9. Not having backup plans - shit, it's raining today... oh well... no exercise today... uh-huh...

10. Turning slip-ups into give-ups - I missed a couple of days so what's the use!! I'll be back to being a blob if I get on my bike!

Yeah... so what is your conversation in your head about whatever it is that you're wanting to do... And don't give me the shit that you don't have self-limiting conversations... Don't give me the shit about "I don't know what I want"... "I don't know how to do it"... "I need help"... Stop with the excuses... You is the only person who can help you... So stop the complaining and just do it...

This Year I Will... Introduction

You've got a few bad habits and you want to change them... Or you've got a few good habits you'd like to add to your repetoire (like flossing before bed...)... Or you've had a dream that's been gathering dust on the backshelves of your life... Whatever it is... Now's the time to tackle it... Nobody says it's going to be easy mind you... If you're looking for easy, then go look elsewhere... If you're allergic to work, this ain't for you... If you don't have persistence... if you don't want it really bad... go take your luke-warmness elsewhere... But if you're up for a challenge, because it'll stretch you and transform you... then stick around! If you have desire, intent and persistence... then read on...

The truth is... anything we want to do... or don't want to do... comes from our thoughts. So, if you want to alter your life... alter your thoughts... We think we are in control of our lives, but really, we are the sloppiest thinkers ever... We let our thoughts rule us and twist us higgle-dee-piggle-dee this way and that way... It's like having a body that's flopping all over the place. You tell your arm to move up and it moves sidways... That's the sort of thought control we have... zippo...

Ryan has a few pieces of advice for us.... and the most common pitfalls for altering your life are:
1. Being vague about what you want
2. Not making a serious committment
3. Procrastinating and Excuse Making - no time, my dog ate my homework, wrong time, next time
4. Being unwilling to go through the awkward phase
5. Not setting up a tracking and reminder system
6. Expecting perfection, falling into guilt, shame, regret
7. Trying to go it alone
8. Telling yourself self-limiting rut stories
9. Not having backup plans
10. Turning slip-ups into give-ups

Yeah... we all do it... surprise!!! But this pitfalls don't need to grab us and hold us. We can do something different... So read on!

Artichoke

Alright... so after the eggplant adventure, the artichoke adventure was almost a let-down!!! Picking an artichoke is no trouble... and preparing it is a cinch... It looked extremely long and complicated but... really, quite easy. Chop off the top of the head a bit... put in a steamer and cook for 45 minutes... Take out... peel off the leaves/petals, dip in mayo or melted butter and pull bottom part through teeth... Simple and easy! No long convoluted recipes for sure... And the verdict is... super yummy!!! And definitely repeatable...

This Year I Will...

I'm re-reading a book I've read a couple of times before called "This Year I Will..." by M.J. Ryan. It's a readable little book and I find it always helps to give me a good swift kick in the butt when I need it!

The idea is that whatever it is you've been putting off... or thinking about doing... or stopped doing, but want to get back to... you can actually do it...

She says there are 5 stages we go through in life when we want to change a habit or follow a dream:
1. Pre-contemplation - don't even know we need to or want to change
2. Contemplation - we say "someday I'll do that"
3. Preparation - we are getting ready to do it "soon"
4. Action - we are starting it "right now"
5. Maintenance - we keep going until we get to where we want and stay there...

Now, if you're anything like me... we can spend years... and years... in stages 1 and 2 and 3... Actually, even 4 too when it comes down to that... But that's mostly because if we do start something, it can get hung up for a while on the back burner where it slips back into stages 2 and 3... So, really, it's stages 2 and 3 that are the real sticking points... at least for me... I do love that "someday"... which is usually "tomorrow" by the time I get to stage 3 and tomorrow, as we know, can last a lifetime...

So, Ryan, presumes we've gotten past stage 1 and at least recognize what it is we want to change or do or accomplish... Maybe it's a dream you've always had... or a desire or something else...Whatever it is, it's sitting there, in your life, smiling at you, waiting for you to get around to it... And you keep guiltily ignoring it... Time to suck it up and bite the bullet and do it...

Ryan divvies her book into 4 sections:
1. Introduction - The Adventure of Living your Dreams
2. Preparing to Change
3. Getting into Action
4. Keeping Going

So... let's take a look and see what we find...