Procrastination - My Achilles Heel

Mañana. Tomorrow. Later. Yup, I'll do it later. In a few hours. After I finish what I'm working on. This evening. I'll tackle it when I have more time. Maybe more energy.

That's me... to a T. An email comes into my Inbox and I'll read it and think - "I need to respond to this, but not right now, I'll do it later." And I go on to the next email. The first email... the one I want to respond to, sits in my Inbox for days... weeks... months. I leave it there as a reminder that I need to deal with it. There is one email there that I received on May 3. Yeah - four and a half months later.

The thing is... once a day or two has gone by, I feel bad that I haven't responded... and so I feel even less inclined to answer the email because now I'll need to apologize for my lateness. So I procrastinate even more. Which leads to a nasty vicious cycle - and voila - months go by.

So, today... I decided to tackle the seven emails that have been languishing in my Inbox for weeks/months. I got three done no problem (they were all from the same person) and then got stuck again. I felt so good about answering the three, that I thought, I'll do the other four some other time. See how it goes?

So I took a closer look at what gets in the way for me and it runs something like this:

• I don't know what to say
• It's been so long, the person thinks I'm a doofus for not replying
• It will take too much time
• I don't have the energy
• It's too hard
• I want to do something easier

Deep down, I know that it won't take a lot of time, energy or attention - but I easily use that as an excuse not to tackle something. I know that I will feel soooo much better once I get it done but it's like there's a little hump I need to get over first. The big one seems to be... I don't know what to say or how to respond. Sometimes I think that a long answer is required when I could probably get away with just a quick reply. Not every email has to be an essay. In fact, they've done studies that the optimal email length is five lines. Anything more and you should probably put it in a document or make a phone call.

The "I don't know what to say" thing means that I actually have to decide what to say. I have to make a choice and devote a bit of thought to it. To me, that sometimes feels like an energy drain. I don't want to make a decision. I don't want to choose. It's too hard! So, in avoiding these decisions... I end up tying myself in knots and letting my Inbox get fuller and fuller. That is where the real energy drain happens - in opening up my Inbox and seeing those seven emails still sitting there, glaring at me with accusation.

It would be so much easier, and less draining, if I would just tackle the emails as they come in. Handle things as they show up. Not necessarily within the hour... but at least within the day or the next two days. There's a rule of thumb that every email should get some sort of response within 48 hours. Not email advertisements obviously, but emails from contacts. It is definitely something to which I aspire.

And now... the even crazier thing... I can easily waste hours in a day checking the news or doing some inane research on the internet. It's mindless... and I don't have to make any momentous decisions. So really, I'm a decision-phobe. And you know why? Deep down... I avoid decisions because I'm afraid that whatever path I choose, it will be the wrong one. Somehow I will make the wrong decision. And I'll discover that whatever I did wasn't quite good enough. The way I answer an email won't be good enough. The person won't like me because I gave a crappy answer, or a wrong answer, or a short answer. Of course, they might not like me because I've been so late with the answer too!

Look, I'm super organized. I know how to prioritize. I know how to make to-do lists. I know how to get things done. I've even motivated to get stuff done but... deep down, I struggle with some really disempowering beliefs that show up in something as minor as old emails.

You see... this pattern shows up in other areas as well - work projects, a book manuscript. I get started on things with gusto and follow through to about the 90% mark and then I swerve off-focus. I struggle to finish things. I postpone the ending. I put it off. Because finishing the project or the manuscript will mean that someone, somewhere, is going to give me feedback on it... and it might not be good enough. It might need editing... or revisions... or a rewrite. Which means I screwed up. Nasty, hey?

So I have a lot of 90% finished tasks on the go... which means I'm dragged down by a lot of energy-suckers. Because everything that I haven't finished/completed, drains some energy. I know it's there, not finished... and I know that I need to finish it... but I don't. I'm afraid to finish it... and so I fritter my time away on meaningless tasks. It's all relative really. If I'm avoiding working on the book manuscript, I'll answer old emails. If I'm avoiding answering old emails, I'll check the weather or the news or the stock report. All to avoid making a decision... because decisions are scary hard.

The Human Melting Pot

I came across this fascinating article on BBC with a title - Is Another Human Living Inside You? It's not a long article but it presents some startling ideas. Human genes are far more complicated than we thought.

It used to be thought that a baby had half of Mom's genes and half of Dad's genes - but that seems to be overly simplistic. Twins sometimes swap cells during their development in the womb. There are also individuals called Chimera who carry the genes of two individuals and a fully absorbed twin. This often happens during the earliest development of the fetus. What might start out as two fertilized eggs ends up merging into one individual. A study in Edmonton revealed that some women have male DNA in their brains - researchers speculate that it came from one of their male children during pregnancy. It seems to make them less susceptible to Alzheimers.

Fascinating! And raises all sorts of questions.

For example, could transgender people be carrying the genes of an absorbed twin of the opposite gender? That even though the body is male, there is a strong female presence.

The other idea presented was that we all carry microbes within our gut - often inherited from our parents. These microbes can produce  neurotransmitters that influence our behaviour - make us crave certain foods or behave in certain ways. The scary thing... meat from the grocery store can infect you with a nasty one...

An infection of a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii, meanwhile, might just lead you to your death. In nature, the microbe warps rats’ brains so that they are attracted to cats, which will then offer a cosy home for it to reproduce. But humans can be infected and subjected to the same kind of mind control too: the microbe seems to make someone risky, and increases the chance they will suffer from schizophrenia or suicidal depression. Currently, around a third of British meat carries this parasite, for instance – despite the fact an infection could contribute to these mental illnesses. “We should stop this,” says Kramer.

Can some mental health issues be attributed to what we eat? There is an old saying - "You are what you eat" - this takes it to a whole new level.

There is even some evidence that autism may be linked to gut bacteria.

Inner Tubes

Sooo... I was wandering through Canadian Tire this morning looking for a new blender. Our beautiful CuisinArt gave up the ghost over the weekend and we miss our green smoothies. I had visited Walmart, Superstore and Costco before deciding to try Canadian Tire. For the record, Superstore had a fairly good selection while Walmart and Costco were both pathetic.

Anyhow... so there I am minding my own business, clutching the new Hamilton-Beach blender under my arm when I stopped dead in my tracks. There was a beautiful inner tube perched on a display. Wow... that brought back memories... of going to the lake and rolling our two inner tubes down to the beach. Sitting in them and having a blast. I have no idea where we go our inner tubes, probably some tire shop somewhere. I know that some of my friends had monstrous inner tubes, likely from a huge piece of logging equipment. We didn't really think about inner tubes too much... they were just a part of our lives.

And now, here was one in Canadian Tire. Was it part of a beach display? Nope... it was for sale. Yup, you can now buy an inner tube for $33.29 at Canadian Tire. It comes deflated in a plastic bag and is not to be used for vehicle tires. Go figure. Which got me thinking... do tires even use inner tubes nowadays? I know my bicycle tire has an inner tube... but what about those big truck tires... do they still use inner tubes or are they passe?

Short answer - yes... they do still make tires that use inner tubes - tractor tires for one. And they are not cheap... over $100 for a real inner tube. But if I recall, the ones we had when I was a kid came from tire shops and were usually patched. I would suppose that inner tubes have a limited life-span. When they are worn out... they become beach inner tubes.

But now... you can skip the thrill of the hunt, avoid having to bargain with a greasy truck mechanic, and head straight for Canadian Tire... if you want to spend $35 (with tax). The way I see it... our inner tubes were part of the reduce/reuse/recycle movement (before it was even cool and hip). Truck tubes that would normally get tossed were repurposed as beach toys... good for another few years/decades of gentle use. But these Canadian Tire tubes... they have been specifically made to be recreational inner tubes. Somehow leaves me scratching my head and wondering at the waste...

Tin of Memories

I was in a thrift store the other day, not looking for anything in particular. As I was wandering the aisles, I spotted this lonely Gray Dunn cookie tin.

It's just a cookie tin and to be honest... if I was an objective shopper, I would never have noticed this tin. It's not like I'm a vintage cookie tin shopper. But this particular tin grabbed my attention because it was different.

You see... when I was a kid, we had a tin that looked exactly like this tin. Exactly. Except ours lost the little brass handle over the years. My Mom kept this tin on the bottom shelf of the baking cupboard, a cupboard that always smelled like Dr. Oetker baking extracts (bitter-almond, vanilla, rum), sugar and baking. It was the most delicious smelling cupboard ever.

The cookie tin had a tight-fitting lid and my sister and I always had to haul on the handle to get the lid to come off. Sometimes we'd have to pry at the edge to get the lid off. It was a challenging operation and a noisy one particularly if we were trying to sneak a cookie when Mom wasn't looking. But once we were inside, there were all sorts of treasures in there. If it was Christmas, there might be Christmas cookies. If it was just a regular time of year, we might find Dare Fudge Chocolate cookies in there... so good. (Sort of like Fudgeeos but way better... and Canadian to boot!) I can hear the sound of the lid coming off the tin. I can feel the textured sides. I remember staring at the pictures on the tin and being fascinated by the colours and patterns.

At some point, likely when we went to university, our beloved handle-less cookie tin was consigned to the garbage or perhaps a thrift store. It was gone from our life. But I remembered it and always kind of wished that we had kept it. It was just a... to-be-perfectly-honest... rather ugly looking tin with Asian influences. My Mom clearly didn't have the memories associated with the tin that we did. To me, that tin held so much more than cookies... it held home, shared-baking, love, joy, comfort. It was a tin of memories.

They say that when people have trouble decluttering, it's because they are not willing to let go of the memories and emotions associated with a particular item. I totally get that. This particular cookie tin was manufactured by Gray Dunn cookie-makers in Scotland. They made other tins and I looked at some of those pictures and wasn't moved to get them... not even an iota. But this one... this one contains the memories. I look at the tin and it all comes flooding back... happy memories.

So, there I am in the thrift store and I phone my sister who is 5 years younger. I say "Hey, remember that cookie tin we used to have, that orangey thing with the flowers but without the handle?" Her response... "Uhhhh... not really... ummmm". I told her, with a hint of impatience, that I would send her a picture. Five minutes later I got a text from her that said "YES!! Buy it!". All she had to do was see the tin and she knew everything that I was talking about. The cascade of memories triggered for her as well. She has an 8 year old daughter so perhaps this tin will become their cookie tin and hold their memories as well. Luckily the lid fits a bit looser than ours did... so hopefully the lid stays on a bit longer!

In the end, I paid the princely sum of $1.99 for a tin that sells on eBay for $25. Not bad. I probably wouldn't have paid $25 for the tin but $2 was a small price to pay for the memories.

Revisiting my Starbucks Addiction

I subscribe to a few minimalist blog posts and one them shared a link to a blog about a Port Moody woman who decided to do a yearlong shopping ban. The blog post was written after she had finished her year-long experiment and shared her learnings.

One of the things she gave up was a latte a day habit. I winced a bit when I read that. Yeah, $5/day does add up over time. She said it took her almost 9 months to get over that habit. In her words

The takeout coffee ban also had a huge win, as it was during this time that I finally started to feel like spending $5 on a latte was a huge waste of money. I just stopped valuing the drink and the experience that came with it.

Oh geez. I'm sitting in Starbucks as I write this... sipping my $3.62 grande hot chocolate. Yeah... so much for kicking Starbucks to the curb. I am a great rationalizer. Like a supremo-prime-expert rationalizer. I've been biking to Starbucks on weekday afternoons and rationalizing that I've just exercised and that I do great writing at Starbucks - ergo... I can justify/rationalize my Starbucks habit.

It came as a bit of a wake-up call to realize that getting over my Starbucks habit could take as long as 9 months. I don't know what I was thinking... that 66 days would be enough (the latest scientific number for how many days it takes to form a habit). When I gave up drinking Coke on July 7, 2009, it took me months and months before I no longer craved the sugar and the caffeine.

I've tried to give up my Starbucks habit several times over the last 6 months... sometimes for as long as a week but... it never lasted. I can always rationalize a visit... On top of that, I've put on a couple of pounds in the last 6 months... chalk that up to hot chocolate and beer - empty liquid calories. Yeah sure, they make me feel good... at least temporarily, but in the long run, I feel like crap.

I know what's required... a choice to stop... and self-discipline and committment to myself to honour my choice and my word. That's all. Sounds easy... so why is it so hard?

I've read a lot about forming habits... start small, be accountable, don't miss two days in a row, change the triggers, set up reminders, don't change too many habits at once. But really... it all comes down to the that initial choice/decision. I haven't really decided yet... because if I had... I wouldn't be here at Starbucks sipping a hot chocolate!

I'm going to be 50 in about 5 months... a milestone if there ever was one. When that auspicious day comes... do I want to be headed downwards (fatter, slower, more tired) or upwards (leaner, faster, more energy)? It's up to me...

Nickle & Dimed by Big Banks

I've been an RBC customer since 1977, that's 38 years. Most of my financial products are with RBC:

• 3 chequing accounts (one US)
• 2 savings accounts
• RRSP
• RESP
• TFSA
• 2 current mortgages (and another one in the past)
• non-registered investments
• RBC Visa - but I never use it

I would think that I qualify as a loyal RBC customer. My financial planners, of which I've had four over the last 20 years, have generally been very accommodating. My US chequing account has no fees and the other two chequing accounts qualify for the multi-product rebate (when you have a mortage, investment and credit card with RBC). Excellent.

Unfortunately, the times are a-changing. Back in June, the Big Banks upped their banking fees. As it turned out... I would now have to make sure that my RBC Visa card was "active", meaning I needed to use it every 90 days. I frowned. I have a BMO MC that collects Airmiles points. That's the only card I use. I basically only have the RBC Visa because it was offered to me and when I travel, I like to have both a Visa and a MC.

I started using the Visa... but now there was one more bill to keep track of. I was less than pleased. Last week I met with my RBC financial planner. I expressed my dissatisfaction with the whole "active Visa" thing and she thought I was pulling her leg. She looked it up and to her surprise found that I was correct. I suggested that she, as a financial planner, had the power to waive fees. I played the "long-time, loyal customer" card... pointed out all of the financial products I have and have had with RBC. She said she would look into it.

When I got home, I reviewed the chequing accounts and learned, much to my surprise that one account no longer got the full multi-product rebate. I sent a disgruntled email to my financial planner. The next day she replied. She had reversed the charges for the one account and gotten the ongoing fees waived. But for the other account... I would need to keep using the Visa to get the multi-product rebate. So much for perks for loyal customers.

The bank fees for that account add up to $60/year. The other chequing account has fees that total $132/year. And neither account earns interest. I was not pleased. The RBC financial planner has been pushing me to move some pension investments from an insurance company into RBC. They want all my business. But... on their terms. Welll... guess what... it's my money and there are better deals out there.

Over the last two years, I've opened several accounts in Tangerine Banking (formerly ING Direct) - savings, chequing, investments. No fee-chequing that earns 0.25% interest.  Savings accounts that earn 1.05% interest with periodic bonus interest for new deposits. Easy online banking.

The one thing that's been stopping me from making the switch is... I think it's a hassle to move all those pre-authorized payments and bill payees. I did a bit of scouting on Tangerine yesterday and figured out that it wasn't all that hard. I even changed my Canada Revenue Agency direct deposit from RBC to Tangerine. I'm starting to make the switch.

Oh... and right now, Tangerine has a deal where if you switch your payroll direct-deposit to them, they will give you $10/month for a year... $120 is nothing to sneeze at. And in case you're wondering... Tangerine is owned by ScotiaBank so you can use your Tangerine bank card at any ScotiaBank machine... convenient.

I also learned that you can switch your RRSPs to another bank (or credit union). RBC apparently charges $135 to part with RRSPs but some receiving banks will cover that fee... I'm going to check out some local credit unions and see if they would like my investments.

I sent a reply back to financial planner asking her: (a) could I switch my safety deposit box fee from my chequing account to my savings account (my original account from 1977) and (b) how much was RBCs fee to move RRSPs. Let her chew on that when she gets into the office on Monday. I'm ditching the chequing accounts but may keep my original RBC savings account. Or not. In the end, I might move my safety deposit box to a local credit union as well.

Which would leave RBC holding our two mortgages. One is fixed and has 2.5 years left. One is variable and has just over 4 years left. My financial planner keeps telling me that we need to lock in that variable mortgage. Interest rates can't go much lower you know. She suggested that in April that we should lock-in... and guess what... interest rates dropped last week. So glad we didn't take her advice to lock-in. But of course... she works for RBC and it's in their best interests to have us lock-in when interest rates are going down. Silly me... I thought she had my best interests at heart.

So... what happens when our mortgages come up for renewal RBC? Yeah, a few thousand dollars in a chequing account aren't much of a loss for you guys... but think about the RRSP... think about the mortgages. Them's big bucks... and they are going to fly out your doors... all because a financial planner wouldn't waive $60/year fees for a loyal, long-term client. I'm tired of being nickel & dimed by bank fees. Good-bye RBC...

The Power of Positive Tickets

Have you heard of Ward Clapham? Nope, me neither, until I came across a cool news story.

Imagine that you're a kid riding your bike along the street. A cop pulls up beside you and waves you to pull over. Your heart starts beating faster. Did you do something wrong? Are you in trouble? Uh-oh!! The cop gets out of his vehicle with his ticket book in hand. With a smile, he writes you a ticket for wearing your helmet... a positive ticket... complete with a free movie ticket. Wow! What a concept.

Ward Clapham
(From Positive Tickets website)

This idea of writing positive tickets was the brainchild of former RCMP Superintendent Ward Clapham. He had noticed that Canadian youth saw the police as hunters, as the enemy... and he wanted to do something to alter that relationship. Rather than waiting for youth to commit a crime and reacting to that, Clapham encouraged his officers to be proactive and engage with youth from a different place, one of building relationships. You see, the tickets are really only the vehicle to allow police to build relationships with youth Over time, youth who engaged with police went from seeing them as the enemy to seeing them as friends. A paradigm shift.

Clapham likes to quote a former president of Ecuador who reportedly said:

Without a relationship, there is a problem for every solution.
With a relationship, there is a solution for every problem.

It really doesn't matter who is involved. Police and youth. Employer and employees. Israelis and Palestinians. Greece and Europe. If there is no relationship, then no matter what is suggested, everything will be a problem. But if there is a relationship, everything can be solved. Building relationships is key. Without relationships, it is easy to demonize the other side. They become the enemy and they are saddled with labels. The real secret to peace is to connect with a specific individual from the other side - to get to know someone on a personal level.