Procrastination - My Achilles Heel

Mañana. Tomorrow. Later. Yup, I'll do it later. In a few hours. After I finish what I'm working on. This evening. I'll tackle it when I have more time. Maybe more energy.

That's me... to a T. An email comes into my Inbox and I'll read it and think - "I need to respond to this, but not right now, I'll do it later." And I go on to the next email. The first email... the one I want to respond to, sits in my Inbox for days... weeks... months. I leave it there as a reminder that I need to deal with it. There is one email there that I received on May 3. Yeah - four and a half months later.

The thing is... once a day or two has gone by, I feel bad that I haven't responded... and so I feel even less inclined to answer the email because now I'll need to apologize for my lateness. So I procrastinate even more. Which leads to a nasty vicious cycle - and voila - months go by.

So, today... I decided to tackle the seven emails that have been languishing in my Inbox for weeks/months. I got three done no problem (they were all from the same person) and then got stuck again. I felt so good about answering the three, that I thought, I'll do the other four some other time. See how it goes?

So I took a closer look at what gets in the way for me and it runs something like this:

• I don't know what to say
• It's been so long, the person thinks I'm a doofus for not replying
• It will take too much time
• I don't have the energy
• It's too hard
• I want to do something easier

Deep down, I know that it won't take a lot of time, energy or attention - but I easily use that as an excuse not to tackle something. I know that I will feel soooo much better once I get it done but it's like there's a little hump I need to get over first. The big one seems to be... I don't know what to say or how to respond. Sometimes I think that a long answer is required when I could probably get away with just a quick reply. Not every email has to be an essay. In fact, they've done studies that the optimal email length is five lines. Anything more and you should probably put it in a document or make a phone call.

The "I don't know what to say" thing means that I actually have to decide what to say. I have to make a choice and devote a bit of thought to it. To me, that sometimes feels like an energy drain. I don't want to make a decision. I don't want to choose. It's too hard! So, in avoiding these decisions... I end up tying myself in knots and letting my Inbox get fuller and fuller. That is where the real energy drain happens - in opening up my Inbox and seeing those seven emails still sitting there, glaring at me with accusation.

It would be so much easier, and less draining, if I would just tackle the emails as they come in. Handle things as they show up. Not necessarily within the hour... but at least within the day or the next two days. There's a rule of thumb that every email should get some sort of response within 48 hours. Not email advertisements obviously, but emails from contacts. It is definitely something to which I aspire.

And now... the even crazier thing... I can easily waste hours in a day checking the news or doing some inane research on the internet. It's mindless... and I don't have to make any momentous decisions. So really, I'm a decision-phobe. And you know why? Deep down... I avoid decisions because I'm afraid that whatever path I choose, it will be the wrong one. Somehow I will make the wrong decision. And I'll discover that whatever I did wasn't quite good enough. The way I answer an email won't be good enough. The person won't like me because I gave a crappy answer, or a wrong answer, or a short answer. Of course, they might not like me because I've been so late with the answer too!

Look, I'm super organized. I know how to prioritize. I know how to make to-do lists. I know how to get things done. I've even motivated to get stuff done but... deep down, I struggle with some really disempowering beliefs that show up in something as minor as old emails.

You see... this pattern shows up in other areas as well - work projects, a book manuscript. I get started on things with gusto and follow through to about the 90% mark and then I swerve off-focus. I struggle to finish things. I postpone the ending. I put it off. Because finishing the project or the manuscript will mean that someone, somewhere, is going to give me feedback on it... and it might not be good enough. It might need editing... or revisions... or a rewrite. Which means I screwed up. Nasty, hey?

So I have a lot of 90% finished tasks on the go... which means I'm dragged down by a lot of energy-suckers. Because everything that I haven't finished/completed, drains some energy. I know it's there, not finished... and I know that I need to finish it... but I don't. I'm afraid to finish it... and so I fritter my time away on meaningless tasks. It's all relative really. If I'm avoiding working on the book manuscript, I'll answer old emails. If I'm avoiding answering old emails, I'll check the weather or the news or the stock report. All to avoid making a decision... because decisions are scary hard.

The Human Melting Pot

I came across this fascinating article on BBC with a title - Is Another Human Living Inside You? It's not a long article but it presents some startling ideas. Human genes are far more complicated than we thought.

It used to be thought that a baby had half of Mom's genes and half of Dad's genes - but that seems to be overly simplistic. Twins sometimes swap cells during their development in the womb. There are also individuals called Chimera who carry the genes of two individuals and a fully absorbed twin. This often happens during the earliest development of the fetus. What might start out as two fertilized eggs ends up merging into one individual. A study in Edmonton revealed that some women have male DNA in their brains - researchers speculate that it came from one of their male children during pregnancy. It seems to make them less susceptible to Alzheimers.

Fascinating! And raises all sorts of questions.

For example, could transgender people be carrying the genes of an absorbed twin of the opposite gender? That even though the body is male, there is a strong female presence.

The other idea presented was that we all carry microbes within our gut - often inherited from our parents. These microbes can produce  neurotransmitters that influence our behaviour - make us crave certain foods or behave in certain ways. The scary thing... meat from the grocery store can infect you with a nasty one...

An infection of a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii, meanwhile, might just lead you to your death. In nature, the microbe warps rats’ brains so that they are attracted to cats, which will then offer a cosy home for it to reproduce. But humans can be infected and subjected to the same kind of mind control too: the microbe seems to make someone risky, and increases the chance they will suffer from schizophrenia or suicidal depression. Currently, around a third of British meat carries this parasite, for instance – despite the fact an infection could contribute to these mental illnesses. “We should stop this,” says Kramer.

Can some mental health issues be attributed to what we eat? There is an old saying - "You are what you eat" - this takes it to a whole new level.

There is even some evidence that autism may be linked to gut bacteria.